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NEVER FAR GONE

March 16, 2009


Yeah Yeah Yeahs “Zero” (New York City)

Shake it like a ladder to the sun
Makes me feel like a madman on the run
Find me, never, never far gone
So get your leather, leather, leather on on on on

Your zero
What’s your name?
No one’s gonna ask you
Better find out where they want you to go

Try and hit the spot
Get to know it in the dark
Get to know it whether you’re
Crying, crying, crying, oh oh
Can you climb, climb, climb higher

Shake it like a ladder to the sun
Makes me feel like a madman on the run
No you’re never, never far gone
So get your leather, leather, leather on on on on

Your zero
What’s your name?
No one’s gonna ask you
Better find out where they want you to go

Try and hit the spot
Get to know it in the dark
Get to know it whether you’re
Crying, crying, crying, oh oh
Can you climb, climb, climb higher

Was it the cure?
Shellshock!
Was it the cure?
Hope not!
Was it the cure?
Shellshock!
Was it the cure?
What’s your name?

Your zero
What’s your name?
No one’s gonna ask you
Better find out where they want you to go

Try and hit the spot
Get to know it in the dark
Get to know it whether you’re
Crying, crying, crying, oh oh
Can you climb, climb, climb higher

Was it the cure?
Shellshock!
Was it the cure?
Hope not!
Was it the cure?
Shellshock!
Was it the cure?
Hope not!

What’s your name? (x7)

***

***

Don’t know about you but I think the new YYYs stuff is absolutely and incredibly refreshing. The video for their new release is awesome and the classic theatrical cinematography reminds me of how I like to shoot, complete with the 720p white balance on red shift and 60p to 24 edits, yea that good stuff. I’m a total nerd! But Karen O is a hot geeky older chick and I’m down with that.

Man, I miss making short movies and music for them. I feel like there’s a void I haven’t filled for a while. I think I’ll actually do something about that…hmm.

I fixed myself a gig writing for a magazine in Los Angeles. It’s a “lifestyle” magazine, the type that publish on “upscale” sorts for travel, leisure, dining, but I’ll be submitting for arts and culture including theater and night life. The best part is that I just send them information on restaurants I want to eat at and hotels I want to stay in (maybe air travel too?) and they promised to take care of the rest. In return, I just continue writing about everyone and everything. I didn’t ask for money, but I did ask for accommodations and connections into the business side of music and film in LA, which they enthusiastically said, “Absolutely!”

Now the tricky part is how I pay the bills meanwhile. I haven’t given up on looking for a job but it seems like a fruitless pursuit given the state of economic times. Even in LA. I’m competing with people who are younger and have updated skills willing to work for half. And, since the lay-offs, everyone and their mother became a writer/blogger or a video producer too. So, those jobs that I did before now have resume building competitors willing to do it for free. My only unique attribute is my years of experience and past accomplishments, but so what? Turns out I either under or over-qualify for most jobs out there now, if I stick to the same path.

I recently reconnected with a good friend traveling from a different road but headed towards the same place. We decided to help each other get there. I dropped my luggage and picked up a guitar.

***

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

-Robert Frost

***

“where are you?”

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CORROSION OF NON-CONFORMITY

March 3, 2009


Telefon Tel Aviv “Immolate Yourself” (Chicago)

***

heavy changes abound. i’ve given up on san francisco in many ways and finally had the balls to get up and go. there’s an old sioux saying, “go where the buffalo roams” and that’s just what i’m doing. i haven’t found a gig here in sf in a long while, for one reason or another, and i ended up having to compete with my own friends for the same bread and i’ve become desperate. as much as i love this town, i need to go. plus, i’ve grown sick of how ironically idiotic people are here. they hate LA, but they’re from there and take with them all the junk that was once specific to LA, like all the glam, cocaine, and herpes. this isn’t my city anymore.

it’s ironic how a music/fashion scene rooted in non-conformity becomes the cookie cutter template for all the rest.

at first, los angeles was the most obvious place. there are tons of job postings on the LA craigslist for things that i do and that’s reassuring especially since more and more are getting laid off as the months go by. the only problem is that the pay is half of what i’m used to making. sucks…but it’s better than joining the post office for a steady gig that will steadily make me go postal on everyone. i decided to leave anyways.

the other day, i got a call from a PR firm in DC. no, not daly city, washington dc. someone was impressed with my curriculum vitae and called me right up for a phone interview. it went well and i researched the company some more. i can’t tell you who it is just yet but the job will push my boundaries of creativity and ethics beyond what i’ve stood for all my life. i will have to join the myriad of suits and ties with briefcases that normalize the image of our nation’s capitol. yes, i have to conform if i take the job, but i also realize that it’s only a different sort of posing and image-centricity than what i would have to endure in los angeles if i went.

why would i go? the money? the city? to leave everyone behind and start something completely new? grow up, maybe? what about my passions? film and music? my son? will it be worth the move? i’ve been dying for answers in the past 24 hours. but, i’ve come to a conclusion.

i want my mojo back. sex, drugs, and rock n roll will always be in my veins (literally) but it’s time to be a mover and shaker again the way i exalted myself before i was a dad. i’ve spent the last 10 years doing what i needed to do to raise my son, be close to him, and pursue my artistic goals part-time. but now that he’s old enough, my bank account drained enough, my longing for worldly action dormant enough, my passions obvious enough, my youth far behind enough, and helped others before myself enough, i’m ready to piece myself back together a step at a time and do what i need to do to welcome the rest of my adult life and walk the path of success no matter how volatile, how course, how malevolent it may be, for i am now strong enough to change my life for the better, with my love ones in mind.

i miss you, but i won’t see you. not in los angeles, at least.

***

my father was a lawyer and politician. it was his idea to put me through law school but it was my own to deny it. i would rather go to film school and pay for it myself than to take his hand-out with strings. i regret not taking the offer now. but, it’s ironic how i will take my skills and use it for the same purpose.

i never would’ve believed it if some soothsayer told me in my youth that i will eventually join the world of suits as a professional or civil servant like my dad. i refused to acknowledge that world and resisted all through out my life to wear a business outfit. my punk upbringing skewed my acceptance of that life and created my fear of money. i always thought of a tie as the leash of society. i never would have thought that i’d be the one holding it. it’s ironic that, in order to be different, i will need to conform.

Banned in DC Bad Brains.

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I TAKE IT THAT WE’RE OVER

January 24, 2009

 

Friendly Fires “Skeleton Boy” (UK)

I close my eyes on the dance floor
I forget about you
I lose myself in flashing colors
I’ve gotta see it through

You’re too much,
I take it that we’re over
Should we even care at all?
Too much, too much
Lets shake hands and say goodbye

Your love is out
Believing despite the loss
Give me your hand
Lets face this night and see it through
(repeat)

Right by my feet, lay broken glasses
You Skeleton Boy
Swept from the walls, drips on my shoulder
I gotta see it through

You’re too much,
I take it that we’re over
Should we even care at all?
Too much, too much
Lets shake hands and say goodbye

Before the sun comes out
Shake hands and say

Your love is out
Believing despite the loss
Give me your hand
Lets face this night and see it through
(repeat)

***

morning time confession response:

“well…i know it’s tough to be heartbroken and trying to smother it by losing control over your better judgement, but you seem to always go to these parties, drink to get drunk, pick up on random girls then just feel guilty about it afterwards. you want to be with the one you fell in love with…but she’s gone now! you have to get over it and you won’t if you keep hiding it behind this russian roulette. when i said before to go out, party, meet other girls, don’t be ashamed to be a dude, i didn’t mean “be a douchebag.”

you had your fun, now you need to focus and hunker down. why don’t you ask that one girl, ______, out. she seems to genuinely like you back. you don’t need another serious relationship but maybe you could use some real love from a modestly normal girl and keep it steady. stay out of the hormone vortex and try dealing with your loss in a more productive way, like focusing on your game, not your shame.

you did the right thing at the club, even though you’ll hit yourself over the head about it. “why didn’t i just fuck her?” well…i’m glad you didn’t. as far as that other chick, more than likely, that was her boyfriend texting you back! lol

seriously, it’s time to move on. be the handsome man that you are, not the douchebag you’ve been.”

***

it’s time to move on.

***

IT’S TIME TO HIT THE FUCKING SNOW! THAT’S WHAT TIME IT IS! i’m taking my son to Truckee California close to Lake Tahoe this weekend for his birthday ski getaway! it’ll be his first time skiing and i’m totally stoked. i love that guy so much.

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DUST IT OFF (sequel)

January 24, 2009


Thunderheist “Jerk It” (Canada)

Yeah … Yeah … Yeah

Booty rockin
show stoppin
everybody back poppin
Knees jerkin, girls workin
Work it till your stomach hurtin
Don’t stop gotta get it get it
Shake it off till your body sweatin
Everybody watchin
But that don’t mean we stoppin

Let them know you worth it
Dust it off and jerk it
Jerk it, jerk it
Dust it off and jerk it. 4x

Whatchu know bout to bang bang
Dontchu wanna know
Dance and go
Relax and take off your coat
This ain’t somethin that you seen before. 2x

***
THANK YOU Monika for getting me in the show and thank you Caroline for introducing me to THUNDERHEIST who did an awesome show last night! I’ll post my interview article when i’m finished!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

***
(previously posted june 2008)

dear _____,

i went out a few times this past weekend and didn’t have a good time. i basically did the same things that were fun once but not fun much anymore. not the least entertaining. i guess i’ve had enough of drowning myself with lousy music in the hormone vortex.

or is it just that i haven’t met anyone in these dark places in drunken times that would come close to being half of what you are to me??

love,

___

***

morning time confession:

“dude,

i’m so ashamed of myself. last night, some random chick started humping on me at blow up so i grabbed her tits and she put my hands on her crotch and she just straight up unzipped me in the middle of the dancefloor and started jerking me! i was like, “umm….somewhere else?”

so we go upstairs to the mezzanine and the first thing she does is jump on the rickshaw and take her pants off to her ankles so, being a vagitarian, instinctively munched on her underaged tight little panoche until she started screaming “fuck me now!!!” at which time, the lights (upstairs) were turned up all of a sudden then i realized what i was doing and freaked out. all i could imagine were all the bugs that could be crawling down there for all i know.

so, instead of fucking her, i was like, “umm…i can’t do this. i have a kid.” and she was like, “oh…well either you’re gonna fuck me or you’re not. you know you want to!” and that pussy was hecka tight for reals. but, that would’ve been a total scandal if the rickshaw staff caught me fucking a little girl on a rickshaw at the rickshaw. so i said to her, “i also work here.” she asked me one more time but i said no so i got off and she put her pants back on. then she slapped me and ran to her friends.

i really should stop going to these “dance” parties that always end up with me feeling guilty from being molested by random people. i mean, i love sex, but i seriously don’t even know who these people are! lol (or what they have).

at the afterparty where i saw you, some asian girl took my number then kisses me when she left. she txted later and i call her. we agree to hook up so i drive down to the sunset where she’s at. she didn’t want to give her address for some reason and asked i meet her at the corner.

i thought about the black chick on the way there and how i really wanted to bust a nut but just not at the club and with someone i didn’t even talk to. so i looked forward to fingerbanging this cute asian girl. she kept texting me back saying “wait…i’ll be there” but i waited for 20 minutes then all of a sudden she texted “sleeping now. you took too long.” i was like WTF??

we txted back and forth and she was saying she was for real but i have to find her if i want her and playing these stupid games making me like a fool waiting on the corner for pussy. i left after 30 minutes of waiting and texting each other. she insisted she wasn’t fucking with me but i thought otherwise so i left.

i guess i deserved that.”

***

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A DECEMBER NIGHT

December 27, 2008


Morphlexis “The Cities Are Moving” (Israel)
www.myspace.com/morphlexis

***

fast for hunger.

***

today i cleaned out the car and took the whole dog smell out of it with tender care. i thought, “i let Ku sit in a car like this? ech!” i realized i’ll just have to clean the car out more often.

i cleaned out the backyard and threw out all the rattan wood i stupidly left out there. the rain soaked them and made them pretty moldy. ech. i threw out all the fallen grass in the front yard and picked up every piece of garbage on the sidewalk in front of the house. i figured, “who else is gonna do it?”

dear prudence.

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ABOUT THE TIME YOU LOST YOUR LOVE

December 17, 2008


N.E.R.D. “Sooner or Later”

Sooner or later it all comes crushing down (crushing down), crushing down (crushing down) when everyone’s around
I bet you would’ve paid up or you’ll cash down (you’ll cash down)and not make a sound (to make a sound)everyone knows now

(So you’re sad)
About the moment you lost your love (Damn)
You couldn’t see her leaving
(You were gassed)
And that’s such donet cause God yanked the rug and holding your heart will not help you breathe

Sooner or later it all comes crushing down (crushing down), crushing down (crushing down) when everyone’s around
I bet you would’ve paid up or you’ll cash down (you’ll cash down)and not make a sound (to make a sound)everyone knows now

It all some crushing down
It’s over leave it
It’s over leave it
It’s over leave it
It’s over leave it

(So you’re sad)
And you should own it and you fucked up (Damn)
You thought that you were the team
(You were gassed)
And now your opponent who wears your gloves (Damn)
A nightmare just ate up your dreams

Sooner or later it all comes crushing down (crushing down), crushing down (crushing down) when everyone’s around
I bet you would’ve paid up or you’d cash down (you’ll cash down)and not make a sound (to make a sound)everyone knows now

It all some crushing down
It’s over believe it
It’s over believe it
It’s over believe it
It’s over believe it

(So you’re sad)
Could have had so much done you blew it off (Damn)
Your chance is passing you by
(You were gassed)
Time waits for no one
And it cost for a lost
Because made joke should you laugh or cry

Sooner or later it all comes crushing down (crushing down), crushing down (crushing down) when everyone’s around
I bet you would’ve paid up or you’d cash down (you’ll cash down)and not make a sound (to make a sound)everyone knows now

It all some crushing down
It’s over believe it
It’s over believe it
It’s over believe it
It’s over believe it

***

it’s been hard hitting lately. now that most of my friends are laid off and all my clients no longer spending, it’s become much harder as a freelancer to do anything in this city unless we give in to the grind and put on a professional tie, the leash of society. although i look good in a suit, i’ve always worn it with chuck taylors on. but now, i’ve got to put on nicer shoes.

last week was a spike of excitement when the CEO of a model lifestyle company called me to make a few wireless content commercials for them. i thought, ‘fuck yea!’ i was eager to work and it can be very promising since most of their content sucked ass and i could really shine. but, when i began settling into a negotiated budget with them, they decided to completely low ball me and pay less than what i would make working a paper route.

i was…insulted, but also desperate for something consistent. i really had to think about it: take the money and be miserable waiting for something better; or, don’t sell myself short and trudge through the winter until the new year comes.

my reaction? stick to my guns. i can make money doing other things and i can always do the things i love like music and film without having to get paid for it so long as i stay honest to myself. this decision won’t sit well with a few people who rely on my steady flow but i just don’t believe that i’m worth less than a paper route. sure, the economy is fucked and, yes, there are others that would take it for less and, right, i need the dough. yet, there is that super riding disqualifying word at the end of every argumentative sentence: “but…”

so i’ve put my social leash back on and decided to trudge along.

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WON’T YOU TAKE ME HOME

December 10, 2008


Zero 7 “Home” (UK)

Lost in cheap delirium
Searching the neon lights
I move carefully
Sink in the city aquarium
Sing in the key of night
As they’re watching me

Take me somewhere we can be alone
Make me somewhere I can call a home
‘Cause lately I’ve been losing on my own

Wrapped in silent elegance
Beautifully broken down
As illusions burst
Too late to learn from experience
Too late to wonder how
To finish first

Take me somewhere we can be alone
Make me somewhere I can call a home
‘Cause lately I’ve been losing on my own

Take me somewhere we can be alone
Make me somewhere I can call a home
Won’t you take me home
Won’t you take me home
‘Cause lately I’ve been losing on my own
Won’t you take me home

***

what is it about hardship that makes certain people sexier than others?

***

times have been tough lately but it’s a boggle how it doesn’t phaze me a tad bit. i know things are crashing down but i’ve become quite aloof and cynical to it all. as if there’s still tomorrow and things are all good. i’m calm and even frisky still. yet, there’s a strange looming that hover me. no, i’m not worried.

my sunday evening was spent in a social scene. the mature birds were all there and they’ve brought along new honey bees. i was smiling with no control and rubbing elbows randomly like someone with a secret that to dispel would only spread the gleeful bell snickering inside of me. joy to the world in the bathroom of the beauty bar!

our time that afternoon was perfectly simple. two hours to catch up for the year apart was enough since our words were few yet meaningful. our youthful promise for our golden years renewed as vows. even though you’re married now, i walked away knowing that to wait is to never be late again. i was happy to see you. it made my social scene happy too. love is true.

holding your hand made sense. bff epitomized.

***

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