FROM YOUR SECRET ADMIRER

for you, my valentine. ♥
…

xoxo

Sprout And The Bean by Joanna Newsom

Sprout and the Bean
I slept all day
awoke with distaste
and I railed,
and I raved

That the difference between
the sprout and the bean
is a golden ring,
it is a twisted string.
And you can ask the counsellor;
you can ask the king;
and they’ll say the same thing;
and it’s a funny thing:

Should we go outside?
Should we go outside?
Should we break some bread?
Are y’interested?

And as I said,
I slept as though dead
dreaming seamless dreams of lead.

When you go away,
I am big-boned and fey
in the dust of the day,
in the dirt of the day.

and Danger! Danger! Drawing near them was a white coat,
and Danger! Danger! drawing near them was a broad boat,
And the water! water! running clear beneath a white throat,
and the hollow chatter of the talking of the Tadpoles,

who know th’outside!
Should we go outside?
Should we break some bread?
Are y’interested?

HURT [revisited]

[originally posted feb 14 2004]

my father died (3) years ago on this day, out of all days. it would be very much like him to die on valentine’s day just to drive it in deeper. my mother and father were never married…well, not to each other at least. he was already married with kids when they fell in love. i won’t say much more now but i have written about their relationship at length before…enough for a good script…so i’ll save it for another day.

i never got to make peace with him.

the other day, i came across this video. out of nowhere, i broke down. i’m not sure if it’s the lyrics, or the way cash sings it, or if he just reminds me of my dad…it’s definitely a swan song.

i went to the beach yesterday and had a wonderful moment of silence. i dedicate this song to him…

HURT
Performed by Johnny Cash
Lyrics by Trent Reznor
Original music by Nine Inch Nails

Windows Media Player DSL
MP3

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar’s chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

BURNING BUSH

VOIVOD blew my mind up when i got into ‘em back in ‘84. they are another testament that french-canadians can rock! these guys busted out some of the most brutal fucking metal in its technical glory that a sophisticating farm-rat sk8r metalhead stoner adolescent just needed to hear.

their drummer, away, was a schizophrenic as a child and drew all these magnificent ink work along with a legend he conjured up to fit his world. voivod is a story about korgul, a post-apocalyptic survivor who begins to accelerate in intelligence. their first album was titled ROOOOOAAAAARRRR!!!! about the war and the aftermath. their second album was titled Killing Technology, when korgul figures out how to dominate all. on the third (and my top pick), korgul’s intelligence accelerates so fast that he begins lab experiments with atoms and successfully creates a ‘quantum dimensional universe’ and enters it as a god…until he finds out that he’s been watched by these superbeings the whole time…the album was titled Dimension Hatross. the next was Nothing Face…korgul got so smart that he needn’t flesh anymore besides his brain. they did a cover of astronomy domine by Pink Floyd which was good and heavy.

here it is…

Astronomy Domine
Performed by Voivod
Original Music and Lyrics by Pink Floyd

Astronomy Domine MPG 49.97mb

here are my picks (these videos came out in the mid 80’s)

MPG’s @ 45 mb
Psychic Vacuum
Tribal Convictions

this song, Tribal Convictions, is one of the most solid metal songs i’ve ever heard. in fact, it totally changed my view on music arrangement. with the lyrics, we can also apply a political bend on this song as it applies to our lives as french-canadians now…ok, smoke one more and try again. imagine ‘burning bush.’

Tribal Convictions
Lyrics by Snake
Music by Voivod

Dance for masters…primitive
Full of colors…offensive
I’ve just arrived
Like a flash in the dark
My life has been
Lit up like a spark
They turn around the big fire
They sing a song to get higher
I’ve just got here
To find underbrains
I’ll watch their voodoo
That starts the rain
Are there any forces
Are there two faces
Are there some chances
We’ve never seen…that before
It’s what we’ve been…waiting for
It just arrived
To save our lives
The flying lord
The god of all time
Have no idea….what it thinks
But have no fear…we trust it
It is the leader
Of our sacred wars
Came from the sky
It rules so far
Are there any forces
Are there two faces
Are there some chances
They’re searching for something
Something to believe in…
Their convictions
Blood effusion
Is it a crime
Their convictions
Self-destruction
At the right time
Their convictions
Exploitation
Under the sigh
It’s gonna be more
It’s gonna be war
It’s gonna be…
Who’s the god
Who’s the dog
Who’s the dog
Who’s god…Who’s dog
Who’s god…Who’s dog
Who’s god…Who’s dog
Who’s god…Who’s dog

********

i started to get into other stuff after listening to them for 4 – 5 years. i didn’t pick up their fifth album. i heard they decided to ditch the whole concept thing and brutal metal. they went to LA, i think, and wore tiger striped spandex with tassles. but don’t quote me.

i hear jason newsted plays bass for them now and they’ve returned to headbangin’ rather than headbobbin’. but without my favorite member/haircut, their original bassist, blacky, it’s not the same. still…

VOIVOD FUKKEN RULZ!! \m/

ACE OF SPADES

this song changed the direction of my music life when i was 11. my older sister had been listening to sex pistols, generation x, the clash, and stuff like that. she picked up a motorhead tape thinking it was something else. pitying my music fancy at that time, she handed it to me hoping that i would like it. i put it on the dual tape boombox we kept in our shared room…and was blown the fuck away! it was the hardest, fastest, and most deadly song i’ve ever heard! up to that point, my choice of ‘rebel’ music was best personified through iron maiden and black sabbath at the hardest. ace of spades captured all that angst that i felt and glorified my appeal for fast living (at that time, jack daniels, herb, and breaking into places). i must’ve listened to it over and over and over, louder and louder. the next morning, i noticed my penis was bigger and i had hair down there.

that following night, these were the records and tapes i destroyed:

twisted sister
ratt
van halen
motley crue (i regret this one-’shout at the devil’ rules!)
w.a.s.p.
scorpions (i kinda regret this one too)
night ranger
def leppard
stryper (this one wasn’t mine but i decided to destroy it anyways)

…that’s all i remember. there were more. i think i burned my sister’s rick springfield album too. i remember her kickin’ my ass…that coulda been why.

from that point on, my taste in music was soiled by a deep affinity to loud, heavy, punishing riffs with lyrics that rant of pomp and anti-establishment, like discharge, english dogs, 4skins, agnostic front, black flag, misfits, and the like on one end, and venom, angelwitch, and merciful fate on the other… eventually crashing the local scene here in sf and getting into dead kennedys, mdc, fang, dri, and so on. meanwhile, my sister started getting into siouxsie, cure, depeche, tears for fears, and shit like that. my mind wasn’t open to that at all then and we started to rift apart quite a bit. she had a boyfriend and he was a goober mod i thought. still, i’d like to tip my pirate trucker hat to my older sis, josette, for giving me the push. sorry about the rick springfield album, jo. my ass still hurts.

enjoy.

Ace Of Spades
Lyrics by Lemmy Kilmister
Music by Motorhead (original song)
Ace Of Spades – Motorhead Live in California (1992)
Ace Of Spades – Sodom Live (great cover by oldschool black metal thrashers)
Ace Of Spades – Bathory (this one’s an excellent rendition)
If you like to gamble, I tell you I’m your man,
You win some, lose some, all the same to me,
The pleasure is to play, makes no difference what you say,
I don’t share your greed, the only card I need is
The Ace Of Spades

Playing for the high one, dancing with the devil,
Going with the flow, it’s all the same to me,
Seven or Eleven, snake eyes watching you,
Double up or quit, double stake or split,
The Ace Of Spades

You know I’m born to lose, and gambling’s for fools,
But that’s the way I like it baby,
I don’t wanna live for ever,
And don’t forget the joker!

Pushing up the ante, I know you wanna see me,
Read ‘em and weep, the dead man’s hand again,
I see it in your eyes, take one look and die,
The only thing you see, you know it’s gonna be,
The Ace Of Spades

TAKE ME OUT TONIGHT

this song resonated with me for odd reasons. my ex, kitty (from 16-20), use to sing this song to me. ironically, i also found pictures of her when she was 16. it was nostalgic…i missed her…i also felt bad for many things. especially, when i opened up the cigar box where i kept her pictures, braided hair, flower petals from special times, her silver bracelets, a piece of the berlin wall she gave, and all her letters. the first thing i pulled out was her last letter to me. 11 pages, back to back, without doodles, hearts, sunrays, or lipstick.

the night before, my music buddy, carson, burned this song for me. he didn’t know that it was a cover song. i was like, ‘?que!’ i schooled him on The Smiths and Morrisey, whose haircut and crooning i despised more because kitty was totally into him… i still think he’s a nipple. but, this song makes better sense now. so, here it is…

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out
Lyrics by Stephen Morrissey
Music by Johnny Marr (original song)
Remixed and Performed by Schneider TM

Take me out tonight
Where there’s music and there’s people
And they’re young and alive
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because I haven’t got one
Anymore

Take me out tonight
Because I want to see people and I
Want to see life
Driving in your car
Oh, please don’t drop me home
Because it’s not my home, it’s their
Home, and I’m welcome no more

And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten-ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well, the pleasure – the privilege is mine

Take me out tonight
Take me anywhere, I don’t care
I don’t care, I don’t care
And in the darkened underpass
I thought Oh God, my chance has come at last
(But then a strange fear gripped me and I
Just couldn’t ask)

Take me out tonight
Oh, take me anywhere, I don’t care
I don’t care, I don’t care
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because I haven’t got one
Oh, I haven’t got one

And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten-ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well, the pleasure – the privilege is mine

Oh, There Is A Light And It Never Goes Out