NEW FRIENDS TO MAKE

*pretention aside, it’s just time for me to move on!*

7 Minutes Circlesquare

just how long will these days take
waiting for an earthquake
seems one already came
when the buses are electric
you don’t gotta be so quick
writing up your name
cause in the plate-glass city here
we build things pretty, dear
they all go down in flames
and all your bleeping and glitching
won’t sound so bitchin
if time keeps on the same.
new friends to make
going away
hope you can stay
so we can say

leave the party for a joyride
cause baby time is on our side
or so we’d like to claim
can’t believe we’ve gotta take down
all the dudes who break down
it’s something in the rain
and bout your friend in the coffin
babe it don’t happen that often
don’t hang your head in shame
cause all your popping and locking
you rollin and rockin
might still, might still remain.
new friends to make
going away
hope you can stay
so we can say
(repeat)

***

epiphany:

i’ve been going through a major change. thank you for chiming in. more are instore and much underway. i’m glad i’ve been able to express, experiment, and entertain you while i stomped, kerranged, galavanted, fell, flew, and stopped to smell the buds during my physical, emotional, intellectual, artistic, technical, and cosmological journeys these past two years and appreciate your attention wholeheartedly. myspace had been a godsend for me as an alt-mediamaker & enthusiast, providing a venue for my own vlog since 03 and the chance to meet some of the most awesome people here in the city and all over the world. i love you all.

i am enthused to inform many of you that my own myspace suicide protest is still scheduled to commence on sept 30 (my bday), when i turn 34 (the last year of myspace target demographic) as a statement of my intolerance for FOX and the war mongering machine it serves.

i plan to move to blogger and will advertise my rss feed for podcasts when i am ready. i will continue to delve deep into the independent underground music and flick scene and will continue to write about our lives. i’ll continue to feature you and seek out others you’d like to know about while i embark on the rest of my life as a [young]middle-aged man. i wish to keep in touch with all of you.

i will be holding a public ’suicide protest’ at the end of this month and will throw a (major!) funeral party early next month and will start dropping clues of where, when, and who later this week.

***

the above video actually happened to me when i was 17. if you want to hear about it, ask me about ‘the awakening.’ it was my deepest moment of realization. some say it was all the cocaine, lsd, and pcp i was doing. i think it had more to do with ‘mrs. baldwin’ (my bestfriend’s mom who became my quasi foster mom and took care of me while i was home-phobic/runaway) and a book on ________ she gave me when i was 13 titled ________ .

VAGITARIAN

yesterday, we had such an awesome time in santa cruz. we ended up eating at a seafood shack on the boardwalk and i ordered shark for the first time. i totally thought it was gonna be ‘tough’ but it was quite tender and delicious actually (all ye vegans are probably pissed). yea, ku’s mom was upset…while she’s trying to decrease her list of animals that she eats, i’m adding on.

plus, i really like cunnilingus and you can’t get anymore seafood than that! =D

xoxo

Cut Off Kasabian

John was a scientist, he was hooked on LSD
Interested in mind control and how the monkey held the key
Said that all life is experiments somebody’s planning for the heir
It’s for the unexpected citizens who hallucinate in fear.
Sing that.

Chew the backbone, A solar system, these clever convicts

In union station, with a package in his hand
Tied to the suspect, he chanced him where he stand
And I don’t think you realise he’s coming for your neck
And the sound is breaking all around
He’s keeping lives in check

Chew the backbone, a solar system, these clever convicts

Making his getaway threw a punched out mirror
He blend into the crowd, hear the system scream
And all those spies that strikes your head
are clinging to their guns
And if you smell those almonds man, I think you better run.

Checkout.

Chew the backbone, a solar system, these clever convicts.
Chew the backbone, a solar system, these clever convicts.
Chew the backbone, a solar system, these clever convicts.

***

KU-CHAN! GANBATTE NE!!!

here’s a video to reflect ku’s new scholastic livelihood. may he excel with grace and brilliance. i’m proud of you, ku.

Human Carpark North

***

today was ku’s first day of kindergarten and i was all excited about it like a real dork dad. we packed him a lunch in case the kitchen folk local 666 are still on strike. he was able to get into our first choice school where there’s a japanese and italian bilingual program all throughout elementary school. plus, he has some ‘old pre-school’ buddies there to hang and destroy the school with.

i met one of his new classmates named ‘fumiko’ that ku befriended. i said, ’she’s cute’ and he said with a giggly tone, ‘…hehe. i know.’ =P

i was so proud of him. before leaving, i whispered to him, ‘ganbatte, ne!!!’ (“go for it!”).

PRETTY…UGLY

so, this video is dedicated to that [rude] chick. i know you’re pretty…but, can you do this?

Playing With Pink Noise Kaki King

***

i just got back from volunteering forpiNoisePop at bindlestiff alley [natoma alley @ 6th st], it’s an annual microfestival that happens in south of market here in sf. kinda like a unique phenomenon of indie subculture within subculture. i had to do my final PROJECT 20 hours so i can release myself from the $400 parking ticket debt i owe the city, as the judge ordered.

bindlestiff started out as a blackbox theater group of vanguard ‘pinoys’ [ filipino-americans] and friends in the heart of SoMa [south of market-where tons of flips have lived since the 40's and more so in the 70's]. bindlestiff started attracting vanguard and political thespi-noys, visualists and indie/electronic musicians from LA, NYC, and Chicago, before bands from manila and montreal started coming all the way to play the festival. it was a collaboration spawn between a pinoy comedian from sf state univ and a theater director by the name of christine ells in the early 90’s.

they’ve remained completely indie to this day and is regarded highly by the youth in soma and filipino roots artists all over the world as an epicenter for brilliance and a true alternative for successful self-determination through the arts. the place is run by volunteers all ranging in careers. some from lucas arts. some from american apparel. some from city hall. some…are myspace whores. but most are real cute for real! =D

when i got to the ’stiff, i was immediately put to work to maintain the backstage and green room area IRONICALLY!. i was told to keep the back free from folks that don’t have a badge and ought not to be there. so, after my recent theft victim experience, i wanted to take this one … with a grain of vengeance.

piNoise Pop continues on friday and saturday at somarts cultural center on 934 Brannan. local mathpunk heroes, saybokgwai, performs friday.

***

from the ocean of asian faces in the main room, i was surprised to see the only dyed black haircut girl sitting pretty backstage talking to some faux hawk flip. she was total myspace…ya know…angle…photoshop. she was wearing a badge. maybe a performer, right on. her goober buddy wasn’t though. so, i said hi and asked if he was a performer or a volunteer and he said ‘yea, i’m with david wang.’ i’m like…’who the fuck is david wang? where’s your badge?’ he said he talked to jesse, the organizer already so i asked what his name was and told him i’ll talk to …wang chung.

then, the chick started getting all sassy and raising her voice with me all, ‘why the fuck do they have to keep on asking who we are every fucking 15 minutes!!!’ i looked at her and basically said, ‘…i don’t give a fuck who you are, where’s your badge? [bitch!] if it’s all good, go get one from wang chung.

actually dude was cool about it. he went to talk to jesse about a badge cuz he really was friends with one of the performers and wanted to respect the theater. the girl though…she went up and walked across the stage to the floor in front of the act that was obviously in the middle of their show. everyone was like, wtf? turned out she made a fuss about not being on the list early on. later, i walked passed her and she sneared at me. i was like…’ew.’ if she actually had manners and held her alcohol gracefully instead of being an asshole, she would’ve had a chance of being real hot. instead, she’s just another dick.

***

later i saw goober dude and explained to him that it’s for his own protection. if something comes up missing, the first person suspected are those that aint suppose to be back there, especially if they’re ‘friends’ with the band. he totally understood was apologetic about his lady friend. turned out he’s an indie label manager dude in LA. he totally busted out the LA 30 second spiel on me but i thought it was cool cuz he’s like a guest and shit.

***

2 new short films this next month. one, is a heavy heartbreaking drama about the loss of one’s child. the other, a dialogue free action suspense thriller full of twists and bomb threats! haha! this should keep me busy this next month.

it’ll be my birthday at the end of september and i’m thinking of throwing something interesting to celebrate my proclaimed myspace suicide protest. i’ll start giving clues about it soon.

***

xoxo

I BEGAN TO UNDERSTAND

i’m a loss for words…but i just wanted to dedicate this to you. i sensed you the other dusk…thank you for your love. it saved me.

Ep[i]phany Appogee

I think a man said it best
when he said nothing at all,
As he looked out the window
the rain began to fall,
he pointed up to the sky
and I looked down in shame
Across an open plain

I began to understand
his unusual plan

It was then that she said to me
there’s no way that it’s suppose to be
She took my hand and said follow me
as we descended into eternity
She pointed up to the sky
and I looked down in shame
under a burning flame

I began to understand
his unusual plan

Everyone is something
Everyone is nothing

***

the other night, i had a meeting with meikee from protection to hang and exchange afterthoughts about our show last thursday. i recieved a bunch of calls that night, oddly, but i hardly answered. i was bummed…so i decided to get out of the house for a shot just to shake off this feeling of uncertainty that came over me from the loss of the cam, which still flabbergast me of its irony. as soon as i finished exhibiting the visuals that i’ve been working on for months since my return from asia, i lose the one piece of equipment that made it all happen. da fukk? i had a veird feeling that the irony isn’t over.

we decided to hook up at the makeout room for neon since it was close by. inside, a couple called out my name who i didn’t recognize at first but it turned out the girl was an online friend who i’ve been msg’ing back and forth. that was the first time we met, and it was rad! we sat down for shots and in our conversation the dude said, ’sorry about your camera…’ i was like, ‘…?…how da fuck did you know about that?’ he explained that it’s been reposted all over! i was like, ‘what?’

at that moment, i felt a rush of happiness that somehow brinked on shame and sadness (my heart swelled up and i was trying to hold it together so as to not freak out these sweet people). i didn’t realize that you guys were all reposting about the cam! thank you guys! that made me feel real loved like you couldn’t imagine. i was a bit shocked and touched at the same time. you don’t understand…i was about to quit it all…again. i’m humbled.

‘in a forest pitch dark
lights the tiniest spark
it blew up into a flame
like me
like me’

***

there really is more in store! yesterday, i got a call from chris, our main guitarist, and he had paid for some of the gear that was stolen and pawned by our [ex]drummer. he paid to get our other guitarist’s stuff out first so as to quell the plot for pre-meditated murder that was already in action. he also spoke to the japanese hardcore band, disclose, and confirmed our recording the split 7″ after all. the old drummer, ed aka wallcrawler, will drum for the recording! haha. that would make a whole band with members all coming from the same headbanger circle of 7th grade!!!! that made me happy.

i was inspired to make my[THE] very first[?] mixDVD that i’ll sell to raise money for a new cam. that way, i can put my name out and get gigs while selling these dvd’s for like, $10 [the mixcd counterpart $5]. it’s sick! i just finished it and it includes stuff that are all too familiar to us already but i’m sure most people would like especially if they’ve never seen images of these bands. check it out!

UNITED BY HAIRCUTS A Music-Video Mix by JOSELITO

Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Maps
Interpol – Obstacle 1
Franz Ferdinand – Matinee
Maximo Park – Apply Some Pressure
Futureheads – Meantime
Bloc Party – Banquet
Hot Hot Heat – Middle Of Nowhere
Kissing Tigers – Rooms By The Hour
The Donnas – Fall Behind Me
Jet – Cold Heart Bitch
Metric – Combat Baby
Boyskout – Jesse James
The Willing – Emanuel
Yeah Yeah Yeahs – A Date With The Night
The Rapture – House Of Jealous Lovers
Le Tigre – TKO
Death From Above 1979 – Romantic Rights
Kasabian – Club Foot

***

thanks again. i love you.

KARMACOMA

last week was fucking insane!

tuesday there was another industry event at expression center and it coincided with a celebration for the college’s formal accreditation with the feds (which means they qualify now to provide financial aid like pell, stafford, and all that shit to hook all of us to forever debts and sign up for the draft). there was a big bbq cookout and i organized the dj’s for the event since the original organizer is about to pop out a puppy and has been waddling all over campus. i wanted to help since it was a bunch of work to get extra gear and the deadly needed tarps which never turned up.

i got dj ells, danny v, and rico to spin and patrice scanlon played live realtime manipulations of waveform modulations with max msp based compiles she’s been working on for three years…patches that extend several windows. fucking a.

near the end, rico calls and turns out his car got towed in front of the pot docs office. fucking a! =P so i pulled out some fave records like judas priest live, cocteau twin’s first album ‘garlands,’ iron maiden ‘killers’, slayer ‘hell awaits,’ death angel ‘ultraviolence,’ cheech and chong, and street beat. when i put judas priest on, i noticed the vinyl starting to warp from the direct sunlight (the fucking missing tarp!), but it wasn’t that bad. when i put on cocteau, it warped fucking fast! i was freaking cuz that’s like my only record that’s worth more than $6! fucking a! so, before fucking up my other beloved scratched records, i pulled the plug.

wednesday i got my car back from the shop. i got into a car accident the other week when i was with joe finocchio of Curse Of The Zero. there was this hot mocha chick crossing the street and both our sorry sausage asses had to rubberneck. next thing you know…K’BLANG!!! anyways, i ended up with a $3000.00 ordeal.

thursday i did the visuals for Protection with aki shinomiya. she was awesome! haha. she showed up with her wig and cocktail dress looking all hot making everyone bothered then blew everyone up with wild found footage all processed real time with an mxp based app called jitter. there was a good turnout and protection did really good. gusgus boys from sweden dj’d the rest of the night. they spoke some english and painted their nails red.

that night, i met some people for the rest time that i’ve known from the burning man circus circuit. we knew each other by name and good references. some of you may know these names: loren, shawna, laura, claire, molokai, carolyn, mariano, niko, arrow one, etc…

friday i hooked up with maria aka oonceoonce of tigerbeat6 and did an awesome show at elbo room for the Tigerbeat 6 label party. i did the visuals for most of the night and later saw some people at blow up that congratulated me for an awesome show. that felt real nice! thanks maria! you’re awesome!!!!!!

i didn’t get to do an audiovisual set because there’s something wrong with my audiocard. i was really bummed and worried that i wouldn’t be able to fix it for the show at suicide club. oh well…

happy birthday, brooke!!!!!!!!!!!

saturday i still didn’t get to fix the problem with my audiocard so i had to cancel my secret set at suicide club. i spoke to marco and he was real understanding. he invited me to come and pressrecord anyways so i was glad to head over there for that.

it was fucking insane!!!! first of all, the turnout was grand. there were already visuals there and it was real nice. when the bloodwrestling started, guess who goes up there…steena lynn! haha! that was funny. she played ‘patty-cake’ with her huge opponent.

then another fight, then jenny fake gets on the mic and screams ‘YOU PEOPLE ARE WEAK!!!! CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!!!’ and she jumped in with this guy and kicked his fucking ass!!!! LOL!!!! pulled his undies down and everything. some chick later got thrown out of the air tub and slammed her head on the ground, cutting her eye open. then some drunk skinny chick gets in with this HUUUUUGE chick and thought it’d be funny to just take off her top (she had real nice tits tho) and try to wrastle this large lady. the big one just picked her up and slammed her not once…not twice…but thrice!~

then jamie jams (or conrad…not sure) of neon jumps in buck naked and tries to wrastle these two chicks from the bachelorette party attendants and ends up grossing everyone out with his shrinkage! haha!!

after all that…the night ended with my realizing that the $1200 video camera i borrowed had been stolen from the dj booth back way. i was really really bummed because it was the most amazing footage i’ve gotten in a while…lesbian dancefloor hump sessions, bloody fighting, dj superstars… but, it also means having to pay for that camera. the car accident, the student loan forebearance over, the moving violation, the loss of gear from our drug addict drummer the other week, the new expenses for ku’s kindergarten *oh yeah! he starts kindergarten next week! =D * and now i have to pay for this camera…yea. enough to make me wanna hide in my shell again and just work for a while. fuck…i had a movie to make this next month and now no cam, no gear hookup, or bank to bail me out. fuck. i guess i can’t pressrecord on anything for a while… =(

if any of you may know anything about the cam being taken (or your cokebuddy mentions anything about snagging a sony cam or show up during your afterparty with a sony cam with an expression center tag and serial number to it…please grab it and give it back to me…and try to get the footage from suicide club somehow…i dunno). i would forever be your love slave. xo

***

sunday i hung out with ku after not seeing him much the past week and we went for a ride, went shopping, chilled at home, read him a book on the encyclopedia of cats, ate junk food, played trains, took a bath, watched willy wonka (i totally cried during ‘cheer up, charlie’), then went to sleep early… i’m fully rested and feeling right at place. i’m gonna have to work heavy for a while to pay everything off. if any of you are rich philanthropists/venture capitalists or know of any, make sure to invest in alternative energy cuz gas is getting too expensive. =P

***

you are so cute.

WHO’S YOUR DREAM DADDY?

good afternoon KIDS!!! where’s your mama?

***

Your Mama Kennedy

***

lol! …what a bastard.

***

i had a riveting work and family schedule the past two weeks. it’s the final crunch for the student films i’ve been helping creative direct so there’s been lots of geeking out for me (if you haven’t been able to tell). i’ve also started the momentum for an avalanche of creativity and international collectivity. i’m excited to let some of you know that i’m currently underwraps for setting the foundations a worthwhile online magazine deserve. i’m keeping it low and will be taking it step by step, but i have a very good feeling about it. i’ve decided to call it: COLLECTIVISION™ and it will feature all of us, those reading this… the goal is to further our careers A2A [artist to artist]…the residual? international exposure.

i’ve also started on the first round funding for my own passion flick. BLP [bizarre love pentagram] will be written, produced, directed, edited, scored, and executive produced by yours truly. at first i thought i was gonna pull it off within 6 months. i turns out to be 6 years but who’s waiting? =D

***

BUT IT WAS YOU I WAS THINKING OF

i just found out that MTV pulled this video down from being available online. sorry, but it’s no longer available. it’s a sick video though, yo! i was able to download it so i’ll play it at shows…

***

i’m missing someone…xo

***

Mixed Tape Jack’s Mannequin [large quicktime file--right click and 'save as' to view]

This is morning
That’s when I spend the most time
Thinking ’bout what I’ve given up
This is a warning
When you start the day just to close the curtains
You’re thinking ’bout what I’ve given up

Where are you now?
As I’m swimming through the stereo
I’m writing you a symphony of sound
Where are you now?
As I rearrange the songs again
This mix could burn a hole in anyone
But it was you I was thinking of

I read your letter
The one you left when you broke into my house
Retracing ever step you made
And you said you meant it
And there’s a piece of me in every single
Second of every single day
But if it’s true then tell me how it got this way

Where are you now?
As I’m swimming through the stereo
I’m writing you a symphony of sound
Where are you now?
As I rearrange the songs again
This mix could burn a hole in anyone
But it was you I was thinking of

And I can’t get to you
I can’t get to you
I can’t get to you

Where are you now?
As I’m swimming through the stereo
I conduct a symphony of sound
Where are you now?

As i’m cutting through you track by track
I swear to God this mix could sink the sun
But it was you I was thinking of

And this is my mixed tape for her
It’s like I wrote every note
With my own fingers

***

i hope you’re doing okay…

GOD’S JUST A BABY AND HER DIAPER IS WET

Reparations Saul Williams

I want my money back.
I’m down here drowning in your fat.
You got me on my knees praying for everything you lack.
I ain’t afraid of you.
I’m just a victim of your fears.
You cower in your tower praying that I’ll disappear,
I got another plan, one that requires me to stand.
On the stage or in the street, don’t need no microphone or beat.
And when you hear this song, if you ain’t dead then sing along.
Bang and strum to these here drums til you get where you belong.

I got a list of demands written on the palm of my hands.
I ball my fist and you’re gonna know where I stand.
We’re living hand to mouth!
You wanna be somebody?
See somebody?
Try and free somebody?
I gotta list of demands written on the palm of my hands.
I ball my fist and you’re gonna know where I stand.
We’re living hand to mouth!
Hand to mouth!

I wrote a song for you today while I was sitting in my room.
I jumped up on my bed today and played it on a broom.
I didn’t think that it would be a song that you would hear,
but when I played it in my head, I made you reappear.
I wrote a video for it and I acted out each part.
Then I took your picture out and taped it to my heart.
I’ve taped you to my heart dear girl, I’ve taped you to my
heart and if you pull away from me you’ll tear my life apart..

I got a list of demands written on the palm of my hands.
I ball my fist and you’re gonna know where I stand.
We’re living hand to mouth!
You wanna be somebody?
See somebody?
Try and free somebody?
I gotta list of demands written on the palm of my hands.
I ball my fist and you’re gonna know where I stand.
We’re living hand to mouth!
Hand to mouth!

Ecstacy, suffering, Echinacea, bufferin.
We aim to remember what we choose to forget.
God’s just a baby and her diaper is wet.
Call the police!
I’m strapped to the teeth and liable to disregard your every belief.
Call on the law!
I’m fixin’ to draw a line between what is and seems and call up a brawl.
Call’em up now!
’cause it’s about to go pow!
I’m standing on the threshold of the ups and the downs.
Call up a truce!
’cause I’m about to bust loose.
Protect ya neck,’cause, son, I’m breaking out of my noose.

I got a list of demands written on the palm of my hands.
I ball my fist and you’re gonna know where I stand.
We’re living hand to mouth!
You wanna be somebody?
See somebody?
Try and free somebody?
I gotta list of demands written on the palm of my hands.
I ball my fist and you’re gonna know where I stand.
We’re living hand to mouth!
Hand to mouth!

***

my mindspace has been deeply troubled by age old questions of race identity, eugenics, and cosmological justification for disunity. i’ve been reading lots of Varg Vikernes [BURZUM]’s writings from prison and listening deeply to his music at 4:20am. i’m amazed as to how i’ve come to fall in love with this guy and his brilliance when it is a known fact that he is a murderer, a church burner, and neo-white supremist. i troubled over it quite a bit. i resonate with lots of things he says and thinks in regard to a ‘roots awakening’ and empire resistance since it applies to indigenous people the world over. only when he starts getting into eugenics does it start to fuck with me. he doesn’t look down on other races, he simply wants to follow the viking way…which is, inherently, ethnocentric.

but, he is one of my current human icons of brilliance, revolutionary politics, indigenous psychology, and black metal. i can’t explain it. i hate the guy. i love the guy. noone will understand, i already know.

Varg Vikernes in prison. He is the sole spirit that drives BURZUM, the heaviest most brutal black metal to ever arise out of Norway…besides Watain, Darkthrone, Troll,…and a bunch of others. but varg killed people and burned churches.

Burzum Demo 1991

Burzum was featured as a soundtrack to the outrageous indie film GUMMO, directed by Harmony Korine.

***

my friend anthem showed me a graphic design experiment he’s doing and i’m excited for him. he plans to bomb this city again with thought provoking race issue shit. i can’t say much yet, cuz he’s still brewing it up, but he brought up some shit the other morning when i came over to bum some coffee.

he’s been disgruntled all over again about the whole black – white thing. “everyone is still bugging on the whole race thing…sure there are issues…BUT LET’S MOVE ON! my [cousin] is half white and he’s just a kid…i don’t want him to be blamed for bullshit he didn’t do! or put a guilt responsibility on him just cuz!! THAT is bullshit! …and my nephew, he’s half black…HE’S GOTTA DEAL WITH THAT SHIT TOO?!!! oh lord …bullshit.”

i’m half-pinoy…quarter dog, quarter pig. when i was a kid i wanted to know what my mix was so i asked my mum…’ma! what’s papa?’ from which she yelled, ‘HE’S A DOG! HE’S A PIG!’ =P

***

the other day, quynh posted a bulletin of a profile that invited an add. it was a kkk inspired profile. it had about 100 friends with half of them ranting about how much they hate black people and a quarter of them posting comments like, ‘what’s wrong with you?’ wtf? the rest were probably glad someone added them…like tila tequila.

***

the other week, i saw a documentary on afro-nazism after seeing Hotel Rwanda. …

***

i’ve also been reading books from my ‘old’ bookshelf…titles like ’stolen legacy,’ ‘egypt revisited,’ and all these freemasonic and gnostic books trying to figure out where this racial xenophobia thing really started. it’s really bugging me. well not really…but it’s bugging me. i don’t know why. i keep thinking…’am i the only one that wanna make love to EVERYONE!!!! …and start my own benetton island!! anyone?