ONE OF THE STEPS IS GETTING WISE

O’ Sailor Fiona Apple

I’m undecided about you again
I can be right that you’re not here
It’s double sided ’cause I ruined it all
But also saved myself
by never believing you dear

Everything good I deem too good to be true
Everything else is just a bore
Everything I have to look forward to
Has a pretty painful and very imposing before

Oh sailor why’d you do it
What’d you do that for
Saying there’s nothing to it
Then lettin’ it go by the boards

Oh sailor why’d you do it
What’d you do that for
Saying there’s nothing to it
Then lettin’ it go by the boards

I have too been playing with fifty-two cards
Just ’cause I play so far from my vest
Whatever I’ve got, I’ve got no reason to guard
What could I do but spend my best

Oh sailor why’d you do it
What’d you do that for
Saying there’s nothing to it
Then lettin’ it go by the boards

Oh sailor why’d you do it
What’d you do that for
Saying there’s nothing to it
Then lettin’ it go by the boards

And after waiting, fighting patiently on my knees
All the other stuff tired itself out first, not me
And in its wake appeared the touch and call of a different breed
One of the steps is getting wise and got me there and then got me

And what a thing to know what could be instead
Oh what a blessed curse to see
Took the agenda from its place in my bed
Made a merry paramour of me

Oh sailor why’d you do it
What’d you do that for
Saying there’s nothing to it
Then lettin’ it go by the boards

Oh sailor why’d you do it
What’d you do that for
Given the eyes to view it
As it goes by the boards

Oh sailor why’d you do it
What’d you do that for
Saying there’s nothing to it
Then lettin’ it go by the boards

Oh sailor why’d you do it
What’d you do that for
Saying there’s nothing to it
Then lettin’ it go by the boards

Oh sailor why’d you do it
What’d you do that for
Given the eyes to view it
As it goes by the boards

Oh sailor why’d you do it
What’d you do that for
Given the eyes to view it
As it goes by the boards

i think fiona is sooo…anorexic, but gorgeous.

***

Last week, during the Thanksgiving break, I found out that all of my personal video work had been wiped out and deleted from the studio drives by a co-worker. The work included years of documentary footage in the drum and bass scene here in the city, an unfinished documentary about the rock dj scene here in the city, the frisco disco love-in episode that aired on tv, blood wrestling carnage footage, the russian version of the horror flick (unfinished), bing ji ling/von iva live, among others…

I was surprised at myself that instead of running out to kill that guy (who I first suspected intended to do evil against me, then later realized that he’d be incapable of such and simply and genuinely made a retarded mistake) I stopped and sat down…took a puff…almost cried…then snapped out of it, got up, and moved on. I called it a loss and focused right away in finding the original dv tapes to start all over again. I was actually able to control my anger. Either that or I have it bottled up inside like a molotov waiting to be thrown…

I did see the guy today and for a short second I imagined spitting on his face, kicking his stomach, pulling his legs till his jaw line and mouth matched the curb, then kicking the back of his head… then, I snapped out of it.

Just start all over again. It’s been a humbling week.

***

The shoot yesterday was awesome! Eric, Kelly, and Bryant did great in the morning shoot for the scene I’d like to title, “Say Cheese.” lol. Bryant played his cover of Elliot Smith’s ‘Say Yes’ while Eric almost pushed Kelly into a dirt pile. In one of the takes, Kelly kept handing Eric a feather she picked up from the ground…Eric later told me that it was all hella diseased looking and mangly and shit! lol.

The funeral scene would’ve been perfect if the sun didn’t set so fast and the rain didn’t pour down (and Kelly freezing). We’ll have to reshoot that, kids (in case you’re reading this, kelly and eric). I’m sorry, but the other choice is to go back to that park with the sleazy and greasy fat old men staring us down. Or, wait until after the holidays and shoot at a real cemetery after our seasonal haircuts to make that time lapse more believable. Game? Plus, we can call back our awesome extras and make it really happen!

***

I’ve been humbled a number of times this past week. Good thing…my head was getting inflated from all these ‘achievements.’ Eventhough I basqued in the glory of attention and recognition for works completed this last several months, I still can’t boast of real pride on any work (besides DEPRESSOR). As if, better is yet to come. I surely hope so.

Also, I realized that being pissy and bossy is not always the way to direct and manage a crew. I felt real bad yesterday when I snapped at one of my guys for not getting receipts for the expenditures. After I made him feel like an idiot in front of everyone, I felt like a worse idiot inside the whole day…

I hate being an asshole. I hate being just a nice guy too. Ah shit!

I’VE GOT TO RUNAWAY

Tainted Love Spike Jonze rendition for Levi’s
Originally performed by Gloria Jones (1964)
Popularized by Soft Cell (1984)

***

Good day to all ye nice and genuine folks…and a big WELCOME HOME to all ye hunny bunnies coming back today to return to your missed mundane! See you soon!

***

We keep missing each other. I really did try to meet with you… I hope you don’t think I’m a total hole. I guess, for now, we’ll have to miss each other.

***

My production group for another film in the works had a scene that was set in an intensive care unit inside a hospital. I was so worried about it because clearance to shoot in any hospital is close to impossible. Luckily, one of the producers work at Chabot College which had a nursing program! They had not only one but six(!) ICU rooms complete with dummies…including ourselves. We lucked out. It looks good. And, that flick is really a drama. It starts sad, ends sad. Not like this CUZ I LUV U one, which shoot tomorrow but not everything is in place. I guess we’ll have to improvise if not all the extras make it. We still need people, if you wanna make it! Just call (415) 994-3315. Make sure to mention the flick and that you saw this on myspace if we’ve never talked before, k!

***

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAGITTARIUS!!!!!!!! you are very sweet and sassy and smart and sexy and you know it!!! (clap your hands!)

***

my son is the cutest in the world. i’m happy to have you! you’re the best thing that ever happened to me… love love love xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

HAPPY GIVINGTHANKS

Thanksgiving Prayer William S. Burroughs

***

every year, my dad and his sister, josette, get the family together and observe the american indian tradition of potlatch* whereby auntie jo always cook big ol’ birds and butchered pigs or cows and make them really really tasty! daddy always insist on bringing the pumpkin pie, yams, corn, potato mash, fruits, and nuts. he says that’s cuz he identifies with the indians. auntie thinks it’s cuz he’s lazy and broke.

at the dinner table, they all give thanks before they eat! lola, my grandma, always thanks someone named ‘gawd.’ my auntie always thanks the dirt…err…earth, and my daddy always always thanks the universe. then, they all break out and sing kumbaya! no. they all thank each other for all the little things we miss…and the big things we forget sometimes. it’s really nice. then they all eat like skeksis (from the dark crystal movie) and get real fat and all american.

daddy told me that the idea behind thanksgiving has nothing to do with being american and white or kkk or killing indians or anything. the thanksgiving feast, the first original one, were between pilgrims and local natives who got along and had sex when noone was looking. in fact, a day for thanksgiving was a day of prayer and fasting for the OG pilgrims and held it anytime of the year.

there was the first thanksgiving which was a big feast party that the pilgrims threw in accordance with the potlatch tradition of the natives and it lasted for days and days and they ate all kinds of fowl including ducks and geese and chicken nuggets! yum! then they’d break out the turkey and pumpkin and have some kind of lovefest or something where they all took a nap after eating. that’s how the turkey sandwich was invented also, i think.

so, give some thanks today too, ok! especially family and close friends cuz we forget to say it sometimes and take them for granted. i know i’m gonna thank daddy for taking care of me this past week and keeping me happy (he’s real funny!) and mommy for being real nice to me and very organized…and my friends for playing with me at school all the time…and my cat for being so cute…and lola for being so cute too…and teen titans…and winnie the pooh… i dunno. thanks!!!! oh yea, don’t forget to thank that person, ‘gawd,’ cuz she’s real awesome…uh huh! daddy said.

***

*Main Entry: 1potálatch
Pronunciation: ‘pŠt-”lach
Function: noun
Etymology: Chinook Jargon patlac, from Nootka pa?pac
1 : a ceremonial feast of the American Indians of the northwest coast marked by the host’s lavish distribution of gifts or sometimes destruction of property to demonstrate wealth and generosity with the expectation of eventual reciprocation
2 Northwest : a social event or celebration

Main Entry: 2potlatch
Function: verb
transitive senses
1 : to give (as a gift) especially with the expectation of a gift in return
2 : to hold or give a potlatch for (as a tribe or group)
intransitive senses : to hold or give a potlatch

COMING SOON

“Captivating! An awesome piece of storytelling!” –Michel Gondry

“This is by far the most intriguing portrayal of a vain love affair if I’ve ever seen one. A definite cult classic.” –Rupert Murdoch

“I was in tears…from crying, then laughing, to bewilderment. Such a twisted ending!” –Miranda July

“An intensely passionate yet short lived love affair from the past return to fulfill a fateful and tragic end.” –Joselito Sering

DON’T KISS ME

Glosoli Sigur Ros

***

Ku’s been sick for 4 days now. He came down with a fever last Friday but didn’t show any symptoms of a cold or flu. I took him to the doctor Saturday since his fever went as high as 103Fdegrees. They tested him for various things including strep throat and didn’t come up with anything. We went home and just drank motrin to keep the fever down. All weekend, we ate porridge, miso soup and rice, soup, and more soup. We watched lots of movies for sure.

I thought he’d be well by now. I just checked him about an hour ago and he had a 102F fever again and sweating madly. He says, ‘I’m ok, daddy, just cold…and i can’t breathe through my nose.’ I told him to resist eating his boogers and he laughed. He’s fast asleep and snoring right now. I tucked him in quite good…checked for booger remnants on his fingers…none.

I felt real sorry for him. He’s such a trooper and a nice guy. He’s real sharing and funny. I wish I could become more like him when I calm down. All weekend, he’d catch me staring at him and instead of looking back at me and say, ‘what?!’ he would just…punch me in the face and laugh and say, ‘haha! you were open!’ But, if he hit me too hard, he would stop, drop, and hold my face to make sure I’m ok. I couldn’t help kissing him…but he would stop me and say, ‘don’t kiss me! i’m sick! you’ll get sick too! then we’re both sick! I’d kiss him anyways, ‘cuz we’re both stubborn.

***

I was interviewed by a psychology student for his case study project back in my college years. He asked me a set of diagnostic questions in our initial meeting that evaluated my personality in such interesting ways. The questions, as I remember them, were as follows:

1) imagine yourself waking up in a white room with no doors and no windows…just four walls, a ceiling, a floor, and a bed in the middle… what do you do?

2) imagine yourself camping by yourself in the woods. you see a white rabbit and you follow it. you walk several meters from your camp until you realize the rabbit is gone. you walk back. when you get to your camp, everything is gone as if it was never there. you keep walking. night falls and you have no flashlight or compass. you keep walking. it gets real dark. as you walk, you hear footsteps behind you. you stop, it stops. you call out and noone responds. you keep walking. you hear footsteps again. you walk faster and the footsteps get faster. you run! the footsteps get closer! finally, you feel a hand on your shoulder! when you turn around….who do you wish it to be?

3) imagine yourself looking over a steep cliff. you look down and see a 100 foot drop. death for sure! as you start to walk away from the edge, you slip and tumble down the side of the cliff! you catch on to the only thing that’s hanging…a branch or a root! you look down again and see only jagged rocks 100 feet below. death for sure! you feel the branch start to rip off! what do you do?

4) imagine yourself in your favorite black outfit. describe yourself with three adjectives.

5) imagine your favorite animal. describe it with three adjectives or give three reasons why it’s your favorite.

6) imagine your favorite ‘body of water.’ describe it with three adjectives or give three reasons…

I answered number 3 with, ‘i’ll just fly away.’ The guy was like, ‘that’s irrational’ to which I retorted, ’so would my hanging over the cliff in the first place.’ He took the fly away answer and made a face. Later, he would explain what the questions were really asking and gave me my diagnostic evaluations. ‘Flying away’ was my escape from situations in vain…like breakups, getting fired, or losing face.

Guess who’d be my answer for number 2? yes, YOU.

***

I so want to visit Iceland. I hear they’re almost fully converted to hydrogen with little or no need for fossil fuel.

***

speaking of kisses…

LET’S ALL FORM A BAND!!

Sixteen Military Wives The Decemberists

Sixteen military wives
Thirty-two softly focused brightly colored eyes
Staring at the natural tan
of thirty-two gently clenching wrinkled little hands
Seventeen company men
Out of which only twelve will make it back again
Sergeant sends a letter to five
Military wives, whose tears drip down through ten little eyes

Cheer them on to their rivals
Cause America can, and America can’t say no
And America does, if America says it’s so
It’s so!

And the anchorperson on TV goes…
La de da de da

Fifteen celebrity mimes
Leading their fifteen sordid wretched checkered lives
Will they find the solution in time
Using their fifteen pristine moderate liberal minds?

Eighteen academy chairs
Out of which only seven really even care
Doling out the garland to five
Celebrity minds, they’re humbly taken by surprise

Cheer them on to their rivals
Cause America can, and America can’t say no
And America does, if America says it’s so
It’s so!

And the anchorperson on TV goes…
La de da de da de-dadedade-da
La de da de da de-dadedade-da

Fourteen cannibal kings
Wondering blindly what the dinner bell will bring
Fifteen celebrity mimes
Served on a leafy bed is sixteen military wives

Cheer them on to their rivals
Cause America can, and America can’t say no
And America does, if America says it’s so
It’s so!

And the anchorperson on TV goes…
La de da de da de-dadedade-da
La de da de da de-dadedade-da

***

i so love ireland…and france.

IF YOU’RE ROCK-N-ROLL, DISCO, HEAVY METAL ANGEL

Nth Degree Morningwood

M-O
M-O-R
M-O-R-N-I-N-G

M-O
M-O-R
M-O-R-N-I-N-G

M-O
M-O-R
M-O-R-N-I-N-G

M-O
M-O-R
M-O-R-N-I-N-G-W-O-O-D

If you’re rock n roll, disco, heavy metal angel
Come on everybody, to the Nth Degree

The four of us. The Royal We.
He bangs the drums, she’s VIP.
He’s never done, got OCD.
Our love is to the Nth Degree.

Uh oh, here we go.
Turn up the radio,
Come on everybody
To the Nth Degree
if you’re rock n roll, disco, heavy metal angel”
Come on everybody, to the Nth Degree

And I’ve got my family
And one big bed is all we need
With M-O-R-N-I-N-G-W-O-O-D

Uh oh, here we go.
Turn up the radio,
Come on everybody
To the Nth Degree
if you’re rock n roll, disco, heavy metal angel”
Come on everybody, to the Nth Degree

*Rock solo guitary thing*

(Softly)
M-O
M-O-R
M-O-R-N-I-N-G-W-O-O-D
All right

(Louder)
M-O
M-O-R
M-O-R-N-I-N-G-W-O-O-D
A little louder

(Louder)
M-O
M-O-R
M-O-R-N-I-N-G-W-O-O-D
And HARDER.

(SHOUTING)
M-O
M-O-R
M-O-R-N-I-N-G-W-O-O-D
Lets go!

Uh oh, here we go.
Turn up the radio,
Come on everybody
To the Nth Degree
if you’re rock n roll, disco, heavy metal angel”
Come on everybody, to the Nth Degree

Uh oh, here we go.
Turn up the radio,
Come on everybody
To the Nth Degree
if you’re rock n roll, disco, heavy metal angel”
Come on everybody, to the Nth Degree

M-O
M-O-R
M-O-R-N-I-N-G-W-O-O-D
To the Nth Degree

M-O
M-O-R
M-O-R-N-I-N-G-W-O-O-D
To the Nth Degree

M-O
M-O-R
M-O-R-N-I-N-G-W-O-O-D
Come on everybody

M-O
M-O-R
M-O-R-N-I-N-G-W-O-O-D
To the Nth Degree!

***

The past week was a real doozer. Two productions shot this week and two were in heavy post production complete with great stress and ego-clashing episodes that normally preclude a coalescense between creative minds and result with a brilliant product. I’ve seen it before.

Last Monday, we shot an interesting concept drama at one of the producers’ home. We had to make the set as dusk all night so we gelled the lights with orange and tampered with the iris settings on the camera to achieve the effect. The scenes are to be tweaked later to look like polaroids from the early to mid 80’s so which should be interesting. The same group shot today at a nursing school, which allowed us to shoot the ICU hospital scenes that we needed complete with heart-meters, ivy, hospital robes, and nose inserts for oxygen. It was awesome! the lighting in the whole place with the camera white-balanced to an off white made the whole scene very ‘cold’ (suitable for a hospital).

The shoot last Wednesday was also exciting! We were able to cast the perfect couple for the dark love comedy tragedy! We might very well be shooting a cult movie! The actors are very archetypal ‘myspace emo indie electro metal’ sub-culture model types…you know, haircuts, spikey belts, chuck taylors, pretty eyes, silver belts (minus chest tattoos & post-piercing holes), and lots of kissy kissy smiles! The two talents hit it off so well that they started kissing even before we said ‘action’ and well after we said ‘cut!’ In fact, we still need to shoot the hardcore make-out scene next week!

(I scared the actor, Eric, a featured discovery, by telling him that he doesn’t actually make out with her, we’ll be using a double…me. He has to make-out with me! He looked dead cold for a second so I said, ‘just kidding’ and he said, ‘phew…’ (although, I surely wouldn’t mind making out with that girl talent…she was super pretty!!!!)

***

I had to rush home tonight because I got a call from Ku’s mom telling me that he has a 102.4F temperature! I got scared. That’s kinda high. I was meeting with my bandmate, Chris (DEPRESSOR) about the split 7″ we’re about to do with DISCLOSE when she called. He was in the middle of a hilarious story about Evil Dead, intrigue, MILF’s, jealousy, dedication, and intensely passionate blowjobs behind public places as goodbye gifts for admired artists. It was hot, but so was Ku. I’m staying home for a few days to take care of him 24/7. I’ll talk to most of you later…

xoxo

I’M A LITTLE LIKE YOU

Son Of Sam Elliot Smith

Something’s happening, don’t speak too soon
I told the boss off and made my move
Got no where to go
Son of sam, son of a shining path, the clouded mind
Couple killer each and every time
I’m not uncomfortable, feeling weird
Long revered options disappear
But I know what to do
Son of sam, son of a doctor’s touch, a nurse’s love
Acting under orders from above…
King for a day…
Son of sam, son of a shining path, the clouded mind
Couple killer running out of time
Shiva opens her arms now
To make sure I don’t get too far
I may talk in my sleep tonight cause I don’t know what I am
I’m a little like you, more like son of sam

***

This video makes a direct reference to one of my evermost favorite childhood movies, “Le Balon Rouge” (The Red Balloon). It’s a French film released in 1956 about a boy who ‘befriends’ a red balloon. This movie is great! It’s a story about hope, friendship, loyalty, and all that good stuff. Please go see it somehow! It’s a 34 minute movie…

***

I am so juiced for the upcoming shoot “Cuz I Luv U”! We finalized the cast two days before the shoot and we’re happy to announce a remarkably attractive cast of talents! We found Eric through Craigslist and Kelly through one of the producers! We also have a great contribution by artist – songwriter Bryant who’ll be making a cameo in the movie as well as being featured in the soundtrack! Bryant does all Elliot Smith cover songs! Fucking brilliant!

Eric

Kelley

Bryant

***

title: CUZ, I LUV U
genre: dark love comedy/tragedy
description: a short lived intense love affair from the past return to fulfill a fateful and tragic end.

shoot location(s): lake merritt oakland (san francisco/oakland/berkeley)
shoot dates: wed 11/16 (3pm-11pm) & mon 11/28 (10am-6pm)
pay: food and copies of final version…plus, lots of love….and hookups. (cute crew)

Arthur: male, early to mid 20’s, post-collegiate, shy, attractive, withdrawn, hopeless romantic, heartbroken, artist/musician-type

Morgan: female, late teens, early 20’s, collegiate, attractive, quirky, geeky hot, funny

ROCK OUT SOMEWHERE ELSE!

My Darkest Hour Scary Kids Scaring Kids

let me up
let me out
i am suffocating
i can’t live without this all behind me
is this almost over now
the longest night my darkest hour
where you will find me
pale, lost and dying
from the truth

you left me at the alter
my heart in my hand
i am tired and broken
haunted by memories of
the life you’ve stolen
i am tired and broken
you left me at the alter
my heart in my hand
in my hand

let me up
let me out
my lips are trembling
and i cannot make a sound
my love betrays me
is this almost over now?
the walls caved in
the roof fell down
and i am finally
tired of the lying
and the cloud
that follows you

you left me at the alter
my heart in my hand
i am tired and broken
haunted by memories of
the life you’ve stolen
i am tired and broken
you left me at the alter
my heart in my hand
in my hand

You left me breathless
You left me scared
But you’re all that ever kept me goin’ on

and now my only hope is to take
back what you’ve stolen
(my heart will go on without you)
and now my only hope is to take
back what you’ve stolen
(my heart will go on without you)

you left me at the alter
my heart in my hand
i am tired and broken
haunted by memories of
the life you’ve stolen
(you left me in the end)
you’ve stolen
(you left me in the end)
you’ve stolen
(you left me in the end)
you’ve stolen
(you left me in the end)
(i wont forget)

***

I just wanted to overstimulate everyone with enough EMO to make you puke. There’s this shoot…see…and I have to get into it by delving deep. Ahh…yes.

Actually, we had a great shoot today. The cinematography went as planned and we were able to successfully mimic old polaroids with the lighting to make it a vibrant orange dusk. So…I just feel like rocking out all emo-metal for a second.

I OWE IT ALL TO YOU

Rock Bottom Riser Smog

I love my mother
I love my father
I love my sisters too

I bought this guitar
To pledge my love
To pledge my love to you

I am a rock
Bottom riser
And I owe it all to you

I saw a gold ring
At the bottom of the river
Glinting
At my foolish heart
Oh my foolish heart
Had to go diving
Diving diving
Into the murk

And from the bottom of the river
I looked up for the sun
Which had shattered in the water
And the pieces were raining down
Like gold rings
That passed through my hands
As I thrashed and grabbed
I started rising rising

I left my mother
I left my father
I left my sisters too

Left them standing on the banks
And they pulled me out
Of this mighty mighty river
I am a rock
Bottom riser
And I owe it all to you

***

I’ve been real anti-social lately and am very focused on making some good work. I finally figured out how I could make a better situation for myself being stuck at the studios and not being able to work on my own scripts. So, I decided to insert myself and exert myself. I’m glad to say that only positive feedback come my way. I have an effect on my production groups that somehow swoon them into making awesomely outstanding pieces of great storytelling. I’m lucky to work with them and glad to know them as friends. They’re all truly awesome.

I’m not sure what it is I’m doing but every short film I worked on the past 6 months all recieved awards. It might be because all the other films in the screenings suck real bad, but i doubt it. The flicks we’ve been working on have been the best that I’ve been involved in as a creative director and technical lead* and they’re getting sharper. I wonder why I don’t feel any better. I’m happy more often, but I still feel like there’s something big about to happen but I don’t know what it is…a sort of uneasiness with great anticipation. Maybe it’s an anxiety attack! #%@*!!

My friend and metal comrade (DEPRESSOR)will also be returning in a few days to record our next project: a split 7″ record with a hardcore band in Japan, DISCLOSE. That should be fun! I play bass and engineer this one!!!

Meanwhile, everything is good in the home front. I’ve been a real family guy lately and stopped partying so much. Instead of going out and buying drinks, I’ve been staying at home and studying old toy cameras and their exposure qualities in between playtime and kung fu with my boy, KU! I know it sounds real geeky but I’ve been closely mimicking old Lomo’s and Holga 120S pictures (as well as old polaroids and pinhole cameras) and remarkably faking digital photos to look just like them with photoshop. As soon as I have it completely polished and licked, I plan to apply the technique on motion film. I know…I’m a nerd. KU!’s been taking lots of pictures too!

Thanks for making me feel all fuzzy wuzzy inside. xoxo

*****

* “Donkey Punch Me,” a comedy, won the Audience Award at the screening and was sent to a film festival (but not all the music copyrights were cleared so it didn’t make the choice, I heard.

“Torment,” a horror film noir, was greatly disliked by the audience but it recieved the Panel Pick and was sent to a horror film festival to be screened in Tokyo, Japan!

“See You At Home,” a drama, recieved both the Audience Award and the Panel Pick at the last screening. This one goes to the NYC Film Festival (Tribeca?)

“One Day In East Oakland,” a politically sensitive action, received praise by the Panel judges so much that they’re sending it to two festivals, I hear. One is the NYC Urban Film Festival and the other is a short film screening in Paris, France (cuz the french hate the US so much!)