Do you have any tour stories? Sure. We played in Seattle at this Christian all ages venue called the Paradox. There was this band playing, and it was their last show ever. They played their happy, poppy songs, and they were kind of cheesy. Finally, they were like, “Can Sara and Erin and Jenny come to the stage? They’re our wives.” And the stage is really tall. So the women came up to the stage. And the guys had written this song for them that’s like, “You are my wife/You come to my shows…” It was so weird and patriarchal. The ladies sold the merch, you know? We didn’t know it was their last show. And in Eugene, these guys who threw our show wanted to show us a good time, so they took us to a frat party that was, like, so popping off. The theme was “anything but clothes.” So you’re supposed to wear anything but clothes. And we were like, “Why are we here?” Olympia was really fun. [Joselito] was spinning [music videos] all night. He’s the craziest [MVJ]. He goes all night.
…at the embarcadero. i use to skate there back in the day with the gonz, tommy g, mike carroll…actually, i was on lsd and watched a lot. nevermind. nedelle…isn’t she pretty!?
***
i went to traffic court today to clear up the license suspension order finally. for some reason, the people that helped me were really really nice! she deducted the court assessment for missing court ($450) and pardoned my traffic school. she was real sweet and her daughter came up to the window too with a big smile and the lady introduced me to her…she shook my hand and was laughing. i had teased them because everyone working behind the glass were all Santos’…i was like, ‘da hell?!’ i told them i was named after a turn of the century matador in madrid. the mom was like, ‘oh really?’ with a smile. i told them he died a violent death. i shoulda been named after the bull! xo
when i got home, this song was the first thing that came on my juke. i felt all happy and sappy and shit. i thought to myself, ‘wow…when people are kind, it can really be contagious.’
***
i was just passing by my favorite coffee joint at western addition and came upon an article on love: lust, romantic passion, attachment, and loss in NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC. i was particularly interested in the natural psychochemicals that we naturally produce when we are in the state of ‘love.’ it was very insightful.
i’ve been wondering about it myself. i’ve been all horns lately and have been feeling lovemadness, as well as dealing with it, so it was quite appropriate. it’s been a while since i’ve felt this bi-polar attraction reciprocity. ‘madly in love’ take on a different meaning. yes, love is a natural addiction…and there are withdrawals.
***
“yea, my girly is bi…BI-POLAR!”
***
ok, ppl! LOADED is expected to go capacity by 11pm! people are pre-paying tickets! (WTF?!!) please help me get our friends in first by getting them to come early! there’ll be a free COLLECTIVISION short-form cinema screening from 9:30 to 10pm! could you brilliant friends and lovers repost this flyer with the subject “MISSED CONNECTION”?! please!!!! if you could do that by tomorrow, that would be awesome. SFWeekly drops it on wednesday…
if you only knew how i felt for you…it’s this sort of sensual excitement that only you can stir. you look gorgeous whenever you appear…and you smile and make my heart beat faster. there are others, i know…but, you stir me so. i know you feel it too. and we want it to happen. our love for lust and our lust for love will make it true. our secret. i can’t wait.
***
while everyone is cockfighting, the prize hen and this rooster doodle.
***
i wanted to delete all the way down to 100 but 175 was the least i can clean up my list. everyone remaining are killer…either real friends, real penpals, real idols, or real interesting…thanks for all the sweet nothings, all of you!
***
the show on friday is soooo dialed in. everyone, please keep it down but 75-100 of apple’s top designers and execs will be attending the LOADED event. aaron and party ben of Live105 are down to spread the word and expression center just announced it to their industry list. this show is going to go OFF THE FUCKING HOOK!
i decided to premiere 4 collectivision flicks before the show…
PUBLIC DOMAIN LOVE YOUR PETS WAKE A THOUSAND WORDS
it’ll start at 9:30 and the door will be free to the public 9-10pm. you all must plan to go now! the show is anticipated to go capacity and they will be turning people away at the door. please arrive early, my friends! i want you to experience this with me! this is the biggest show i’ve turned up yet!
This ‘music video’ was originally taken from the bollywood cult classic GUMNAAM (1965) and was made popular in the american cult classic film, GHOST WORLD, based on the graphic novel by Daniel Clowes. It stars a young Thora Birch, Scarlett Johannson, and Steve Buscemi.
The story is primarily about the coming of age of two best friends who drift apart as one conforms to the work world and the other accentuates her quirky lifestyle after they graduate from high school.
Thora Birch
Scarlett Johannson
Out of a practical joke, Enid (Thora) befriend Seymour (Steve), a much older deadbeat type who can’t relate to 99% of humanity and collect vintage 78rpm records.
Thora Birch and Steve Buscemi
Enid makes it her objective to find a lover for Seymour, who represent the opposite of everything she abhors and become enamored with him instead only to have a short lived love affair.
Basically, besides the best friend growing apart thing, it’s about a young and pasty non-conformist/punk chick who gets involved with a socially inept older dude with a mad record collection. Sound familiar?
***
everyone wonders where i get my dance moves from…it’s all based on that jan pehechaan ho routine…seriously. =P everyone should call me ‘jan pehechaan ho…SELITO!!!!’ pffft.
***
speaking of dance routines…this party is gonna be off the fucking hook!!!! everyone will be attending this major industry party event. it’ll be the dance party that’ll set all the dance parties for the rest of the year! not only will the music be a mash-up, all the people will all be an ecclectic mix too! mark your calendars!!!!!
see all ye young pasty non-conformist chicks and older dudes with mad records there!!!! haha!
Zodiac’s Nature: Diligent, courageous, and hateful of quarrels. The Boar is a perfect friend, but she is also shallow and rather materialistic. She is not good at handling money, yet fortune is always around her. Most compatible with: Rabbit and Ram.
Prospect of the Year: Look forward to a profitable year with remarkable success. Beware of jealousy. Reveal your gratitude to those who help. Aim to make major achievements in summer and winter.
***
the LOADED show on FEB 3rd is ON!!!!!!!! SF! brace yourself!
obtw! would you beautiful people in sf, la, nyc, and uk and/or others that have lots of bay area friends repost this flyer for me sometime between now and next week? that would be awesome. most of you know i hardly play out nowadays, and lots of you don’t even know but i use to play out a lot spinning records or music videos. y’all should come through! i’ll ask to repost again later…but check out the flyer i just finished…
Vitalic was born in 1973 in Borodianka-Ukraine-in a traditionnal Ukrainian family living from the selling of animal furs. In 1989, after the falling down of the Berlin wall, he could emigrate to Eastern Germany with his dog -Mini Robot- where he survived with parttime jobs and even masculine prostitution. Little by little, Vitalic decided to stop playing the “Trubka”, a traditional Ukrainian instrument, and started to compose electronic music in a collective near Munich. Then Kobayashi Records (France) released his first EP in June 2001, followed by Gigolo Records (Munich) with the Poney EP – a record about the pain of ponies in funfairs.
i was drunk and angry (with a hint of lonely) last friday night. i found myself bumpin’ and grindin’ with a faceless woman in the dance pit. she pressed herself against me and started giving me a lap dance standing up. i didn’t stop her. i went along with it. she grabbed my hand and fiddled with my fingers…which turned me on real good! i had no idea. i kept my eyes closed and pressed against her more. i drank with one hand and gave her the other, sliding it up and down her inner thigh and rubbed her hottest spot while another guy danced behind her. all of a sudden, she whispered, ‘….oooh, you’re baaaaad….’ at which moment i snapped out of it, pulled back, and disappeared.
i loved it. but i also felt like a dog…a cute dog…but a dog nonetheless.
***
her screams had nothing to do with what she was screaming about…
she found a message to me from someone young and attractive and that bugged the fuck out of her. she didn’t need to see it but i accidentally left the browser window on screen. while i was asleep, she got on the computer. she read it…re-read it…clicked on backlinks…then got real jealous and frustrated. her fury was again stirred about things that happened in the past that no longer are…but could never be behind her.
the message was nothing. it’s the typical xoxo sweet nothings exchanged by platonic friends but she couldn’t understand it. she can’t tell me to stop, but she also can’t stop herself from telling me how much it bugs her. we’ve been through this before.
last saturday night, instead of heading out to meet friends at a bar for a birthday cheer, i went to go see her. she avoided me. she was afraid i was going to put the charm on her to make her forget how angry i make her. so she avoided my moves. i went to my room and felt confused. i felt bummed. so, i sent my last sweet nothings xoxo to that person…
***
“you just need to get laid.”
“i just need to get paid.”
***
the res / loaded music video mash-up party at the rickshaw on feb 3 is fucking on!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks rini! thanks cyrus! thanks res! thanks golden! thanks waldo!
i’ll be spinning some killer music vids that night to warm up the pit. eclectic method from UK will be tearing down the rickshaw with the craziest thing to happen in sf! they’re dj’s mashing up music videos! it’s gonna be sick! more info to come. if this sounds interesting to you and you wanna get on the list for that night, make sure you let me know ahead of time, aight!
***
ku is totally into GREASE! i have the soundtrack on vinyl and he’s been jumping up and down on ‘tell me more! tell me more!’ and ‘grease lightning!!!!’ i found my old vhs of it and he’s been so excited about it for some reason! then, sanah, his best girlfriend turned out to be a big big fan too! they started singing and dancing together real wild as soon as i mentioned GREASE. it was so cute. it made my day today.
do you ever doze i´m your biggest fan around here i´ll ice up just a hypocrite clear,
i´m on the wrong side i´m on the wrong side
i fall down, would you hypnotize me a morbide phase and a hypocrite chase
i´m on the wrong side i´m on the wrong side
you will fall down
***
sleep alone.
***
my co-worker/friend ian and i were batting ideas back and forth the other day for the musical we decided to produce. we know it’s ambitious but what are pipedreams for? we got into talking about things that’s been happening to me lately and had a good ironic laugh at things. then the conversation became serious.
we started talking about archetypes and i shared with him how i meditated on the archetype of LUCIFER and how he encapsulates my current journey and state of psyche. but, in order for it to make sense to him, i had to redefine LUCIFER and told him the story from a fallen angel’s point of view.
angels are archeytpal manifestations of the ALL. they are the ‘characteristics,’ sort of speak…the army of divine traits. god created nine orders of angels: Seraphim, Cherubim, Thrones, Dominations, Principalities, Powers, Virtues, Archangels, and Angels. Out of this order come the familiar seven Archangels which include Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Raguel, Sariel, and the fallen Lucifer (aka Satan).
***
the story of lucifer is generally known as this…
The Archangels Triumphing Over Lucifer Marco d’Oggiono
After Satan’s fall from grace, Michael took his place as principal archangel. An apocryphal Life of Adam and Eve describes the event in Satan’s own words to Adam after his own fall from Paradise. It tells how after God had created Adam he called all the angels to come and bow down, seeing that Adam had been made in God’s own likeness. The archangel Michael bowed first, then commanded Satan to do the same. He refused, saying: ‘”I have no need to worship Adam,’ And since Michael kept urging me to worship, I said to him: “Why dost thou urge me? I will not worship an inferior and younger being. I am his senior in the Creation, before he was made, I already was. It is his duty to worship me.”
‘When the angels who were under me heard this, they refused to worship him also. And Michael saith: “Worship the image of God, but if thou wilt not worship him, the Lord God will be wrath with thee.”
‘And I said: “If He be wrath with me, I will set my seat above the stars of heaven and will be like the Highest.”
‘And so God the Lord was wrath with me and banished me and my angels from our glory; and on thy account were we expelled from our abodes into this world and hurled onto the earth. And we were grieved when we saw thee in such joy and luxury. And with guile I cheated thy wife and caused thee to be expelled through her doing from thy joy and luxury, as I have been driven out of my glory.
***
this is how i redefined it…
Lucifer is the archetype of rebellion, self-determination, free-will, victim of usurption, betrayal, oppression, and injustice. he stood for what he believed was right and didn’t succumb to ridicule. he refused to bow before anyone else other than ALL itself, not even an icon thereof. for that, his brothers betrayed him and casted him out only to take his place as principal angel of ALL.
***
yes, lucifer was demonized just like how the snake, who originally represented the power of womanhood and fertility of the ancient world, tempted eve to banishment from eden.
after i twisted Lucifer’s story enough to fit my own, i was able to better understand my mental state. i spoke to a student/friend who was disappointed i turned down the music video lab instructor position. he said, ‘now, you’re not part of it at all! you have to be humble and take small steps.’ i was able to respond to him right away, ‘i would rather make music videos than deal with corporate political bullshit. it’s like a song inspired by deep emotion taken by a producer and given to another less talented artist and given opportunity to sing back-ups…when needed.’ he understood, but i understood him too. basically, he was saying i’m too proud…and pride is what got satan in trouble in the first place.
***
today, my eyes are completely jacked from allergies. everyone thinks i’ve been crying. but it’s the allergies that’s making me look (and act) like a real post emo fucktard…really.
Originally performed by Nirvana Lyrics written by Kurt Cobain
I need an easy friend (I do) With an ear to lend (I do) Think you fit this shoe (I do) Won’t you have a clue
I’ll take advantage while You hang me out to dry But I can’t see you every night for free … I do
I’m standing in your line (I do) Hope you have the time (I do) Pick a number to (I do) Keep a date with you
I’ll take advantage while You hang me out to dry But I can’t see you every night for free … I do
I need an easy friend (I do) With an ear to lend (I do) Think you fit this shoe (I do) Won’t you have a clue
I’ll take advantage while You hang me out to dry But I can’t see you every night, no I can’t see you every night… For free
I do …
I do …
I doooooooooo…
***
loved ones are distant. i’ve been lonely lately. ______ and i aren’t getting along at all and i’ve been staying away. i don’t want to go out hardcore in fear of slipping back into self-destruct mode. i’m tense. a lady friend gave me a long hug last night and it spurred thoughts and stirred emotions a bit…as if we both wanted to go there but held back. it just confused me even more on top of all the tension i’ve been going through…
***
i just had a good meditation. cried a bit…but got most of the bad stuff out.
everyone should watch this video. please click the pic. plus the lyrics tell my whole story right now… some of you know already…
World On FireSarah McLaughlin
The worlds on fire its more than I can handle Ill tap into the water try and bring my share Try to bring more, more than I can handle Bring it to the table Bring what I am able
Hearts are worn in these dark ages Youre not alone in these stories pages The light has fallen amongst the living and the dying And Ill try to hold it in Yeah Ill try to hold it in
Chorus
I watch the heavens but I find no calling Something I can do to change whats coming Stay close to me while the skys falling I dont wanna be left alone dont wanna be alone
Chorus
Hearts break hearts mend love still hurts Visions clash planes crash still theres talk of saving souls still colds closing in on us
We part the veil on our killer sun Stray from the straight line on this short run The more we take the less we become The fortune of one man means less for some
Chorus
***
about 3 months ago, a friend student chicka and i were bonding by hating on this one instructor she had that i also thought was an idiot. we’d laugh as we toke and poke fun of that poor dude who knew nothing about what he was hired to teach. instead, he would namedrop for a whole semester and basically ran his mouth about nothing useful after he had a bump or two in the bathroom before class.
she hinted to her program director that i should teach the motion and sound class instead of that other guy because of obvious reasons…she had the hots for me! no, just kidding, she doesn’t. she really did believe i’d make a better teacher because that’s exactly what i do…motion and sound. other students also requested for me to teach for some odd reason. that program director heard it and came to me one day and asked me to teach the class. i said, ‘yes!’ enthusiastically.
a month passed and i saw that program director in the halls. she offered me to teach that class since it needed some real revamping. i told her that if i was gonna teach that class i would strike out teaching REASON and AFTER EFFECTS as its main course and change it into a MUSIC VIDEO PRODUCTION class instead and call it ‘SHORT FORM CINEMA,’ a term i coined. her eyes bulged and thought that was a great idea…a great idea that everyone had including her…but for some reason, they never made it.
another month passed because of the holidays but as soon as we got back, she was eager to talk to me about creating the class. she called me in for a meeting and i consulted her on how i would do it. sounded good so far.
a week later, she emailed me and said that the class will now be MUSIC VIDEO PRODUCTION I and II and that she wanted another teacher to teach the second class which will focus on post-production. i said, ‘…ok…but that’s where all the fun stuff is…post…’ she gave me reasons why she had to that but it had nothing to do with me specifically nor the person i had in mind to co-teach it with, a lady filmmaker named yael…who’s totally awesome. i said, ‘fine’ and met with her to break down the syllabus.
a week later, that program director started an email string between me, her, and the other teacher, who had lots of opinions about the mv class…opinions that conflicted with my ideas. i reiterated to both of them that it’s possible to teach all of it in one class instead of two.
a few days later, i saw both of them in the cafeteria. when i sat down, i finally met the guy face to face and was, at first, friendly. the program director immediately said that they will be turning it into one class for the pilot as i had proposed originally. BUT, that other guy will be teaching it and i will only lab…and guest lecture the production lecture.
i was stunned. i was like…’WHAT THE FUCK?!’ they both gave reasons why it’s justified. one, it’s because he doesn’t want to teach the same class as before because it had no content and that they wanted to change the class months ago. i asked, ‘what does that have to do with the music video class I PROPOSED?’ she turned it around on me and said, ‘we have to change that class he’s teaching and he is scheduled to teach next term…what…do you want me to fire him?’ then she said, ‘well, we’re gonna do it regardless…do you want it or not?’
she went on to lecture me about maturity and professionalism and how it requires us to not be emotionally attached to things at work since it only causes disappointment, or some stupid buddhist bullshit. i told her i’m a satanist and she made a joke about killing cats. i also told her that i disagree…passion is what moves people to create brilliant manifestations of vision and music through art and to infuse and transmit that to others is what i long for, not senseless, emotionless projects that teach how to kiss ass and back stab in the industry. i’m here to end that shit!
i resisted. i told both of them right away that i’m not cool with it (nicely, ofcourse…i had nothing against that other teacher). if he didn’t want to teach the no content class, why not propose his own class instead of using my idea? if she needed to update the class, why didn’t she months ago instead of using my idea? if she doesn’t want to fire him, why don’t she place him appropriately to what he’s qualified to teach? HE DOESN’T EVEN MAKE MUSIC VIDEOS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!
she accused me of not being ‘flexible’ and that my ego is getting in the way of my understanding. in my head, ‘flexible’ as she meant it translated to ‘bend over, bitch’ in my understanding. in other words, she took my pie, broke me off some crumbs, then made it as if i’m ungrateful.
fuck that shit.
that night, two nights ago, i went home confused. if i say ‘no’ i would lose my opportunity to ever teach it. if i say ‘yes’ i’d be cowering and submitting to that crap. principle? or, pride?
this morning, she intercepted me as i was parking and cornered me to give her an answer. there was no room to negotiate. i looked at her and shook my head, ‘no.’
***
i confered with a co-worker about all that this morning. he figured out that i was a victim of ’shortism.’ if i wasn’t so short, that stuff wouldn’t happen. fuck!
***
i swore at students today to hurry up returning my shit. they did take kinda long to finish but i think i was bugged more because they didn’t include me in the film group picture they take for festivals. i don’t know why, but it really bothered me. even though, i was right there. my ego is going haywire, i think. my emotions seem to be all over the place…
***
______ and i screamed at each other this morning over bullshit about ku’s bday party invitations. i got real angry and swore at her. ku heard and got mad at me. he said, ‘daddy, if you say ____ ___ to mommy again, i won’t be your son anymore.’
when i got home tonight and they weren’t home yet, i got scared.
***
a few former students and co-workers are all excited about this idea i have to put together renegade film groups that break all boundaries. we have ideas already in the works and folks ready to shoot.
***
two production students, two actors, and i almost got into a car accident tonight with some lady who got pissed that i switched lanes in front of her and decided to speed up, cut me off, and slam on the breaks with her little daughter in the car. we almost slammed. we cussed her out of course. luckily, i wasn’t alone at the time, cuz i would’ve followed her home.
***
if you’ve read this far, i owe you a kiss…or space…yea, i’ll give you space.
***
if you see me, pat and pet me on the back. i’ll like that.
Originally performed by Metallica Lyrics by James Hetfield
So close no matter how far Couldnt be much more from the heart Forever trusting who we are And nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way Life is ours, we live it our way All these words I dont just say And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you Every day for us something new Open mind for a different view And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do Never cared for what they know But I know
So close no matter how far Couldnt be much more from the heart Forever trusting who we are And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do Never cared for what they know But I know
Never opened myself this way Life is ours, we live it our way All these words I dont just say And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you Every day for us something new Open mind for a different view And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they say Never cared for games they play Never cared for what they do Never cared for what they know And I know
So close no matter how far Couldnt be much more from the heart Forever trusting who we are No nothing else matters
(ok, nuff.)
***
my head is all sore from the show last friday night. i got off kinda late again so i decided to head out after pied pyper called and told me about a show at slim’s…A SLAYER, METALLICA, AND IRON MAIDEN TRIBUTE SHOW!!! ahah! i couldn’t miss it for the world! after all, it was a holiday…err…friday the 13th. what better than to spend it moshin’ up a bruise to slayer and metallica…and fucking maiden, bitches!!!!! =D hehe…
when i got there, it was $13 at the door. fuck! luckily, sara was working and she hooked me up as if i paid for a fugazi show and got two drinks. thanks sara! you’re fucking awesome!!!!
pyper was there with his sister…she’s real nice! she was there with another friend who had big teeth and talked with her hands. well, not really talk, more like, yelp! anyways, i hope pyper’s not reading this. hehe!
i missed the slayer act. fuck! that’s alright, the maiden tribute band CHILDREN OF THE DAMNED was on and they were pretty fucking on it! i gotta give props to dude for pulling a bruce dickenson like that. that was awesome! MORE COWBELL!
chris walken as bruce dickenson of iron maiden on the classic SNL skit with will ferrell. (click the image if you still don’t know what i’m talking about).
and then, the metallica tribute band came on…AND EVERYONE WENT APESHIT!!!!! that was awesome. i was kindly tipsy and the rumble started! it was like the old days…except everyone there was old! haha!!! it was killer though cuz the band only played songs from the first 3 albums, when i was into them and young with beautiful angst. it was awesome. thanks pyper! thanks sara! thanks hetfield! my head’s all bruised up though…but it was a killer time!
***
i headed out to the rickshaw to meet cyrus and rini for a split second to shake hands. we were able to get a confirmation for the next LOADED and it’s gonna be off the hook!! i can’t say too much right now, but it involves RESFEST, music video mash-up artists from the UK, and surprise performances!
it was club ID at the rickshaw. it’s been a good minute since i’ve gone out there. it was nice to see folks but it also seemed as if people didn’t recognize me. i mean, we knew who each other were…but we pretended we never met…then when others introduce us, we just said, ‘yea, we’ve met…’ kinda funny! hmm…kinda retarded.
there were also people that were, ‘hey! joselito!! alright!’ then shake my hand and whisper something to their date. i have no idea who they are! lol!!!! wtf?!
at one point of the night, somebody i was talking to was scoffing at the fact that all the people there were dressed alike…all black and red…then laughed as if they were on to something and noone else was…i burst their bubble and told them that it was friday the 13th club ID…the theme was BLACK AND RED, or so i heard. both their laughing dropped all of a sudden and were like…’oh…’ lol! i thought that was funny too. if they had known, they woulda showed up like that too! lol! ahem.
***
i better go…_____ is waiting for me at the studio to record the vocals for the disclose split. wish me luck.
***
______ left this morning for nyc. she won’t be back until wednesday. ku is with my sister. i’m at home alone tonight. call.
***
you look like a hot stewardess with your hair up like that! lol… like…real hot…actually…rawr!
I am treading on cow pile mountains Before you answer my call Lounging at breakfast a recoiled monster With tied mouth somehow telling all
Before it breaks before you’ve listened Short stacks are sitting high Lips are dry maybe you’re guessing why
Don’t mean to make you sick It just works out that way You say it’s walnut bread We know it’s what I say
Friends do tell me it’s best to say little The less you put out the less that’s gone But sitting here lazing the smaller I feel ‘Cause I expand when I let on
My love for you is not like friendship Can you tell from my brave toned words This timid girl likes very much your hand
***
we are due to finish the last shots for the movie CUZ I LUV YOU which now is no longer that title…in fact, the movie is completely different. it was written as a dark comedy hidden as a love story until the end. now, in order to be considered for the festivals, we were advised to keep it a love story. this was a dillema. none of us wanted to make a love story. the only reason why we did is to end it shamelessly with the characters finding out they were cousins after they totally banged all night…which for some people, it turns out, aint as bad as we would think. sickos.
