ALL THOSE OPPOSED CAN ROT IN HELL

Menomena “Rotten Hell” (Portland)

I’ve got a stranglehold on this decision
All those opposed can rot in hell
Any day now the words will form a sentence
You’ll be reduced to nothingness

I’ve got a stranglehold on this decision
All those opposed can rot in hell
Any day now the words will form a sentence
You’ll be reduced to nothingness

Wading through this mess together
Hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder
Some may stumble, some may fall behind

Well it’s high time we step outside
Drop the gloves and settle this like a man
Well we might stall and hem and haw
We might not fight but we won’t walk away
No, we won’t walk away

Wading through this mess together
Hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder

Some may stumble, some may fall behind

***

***

i recently re-ignited the selfish in me in order to pursue a decision i made to break up with someone who suffer from my misbehaviour. i’m not an angel at all. i know lots of people think that i’m a nice guy, but i’m really not. i do things that hurt the people closest to me. i don’t mean to…but i do.

my realization that my feelings for someone had completely dissipated was a great awakening when the person who i truly felt for made the decision to leave my side for a more stable, more realistic, more suitable life with someone else. i couldn’t bare knowing that i love someone else and still stay with this other person who expect me to love them the same. i finally broke down and announced my intention to officialize our separation. it was heartbreaking indeed.

i have to be strong. i can’t waiver again only to fall back into the cycle of distrust and power-control conflicts inherent in our chemistry. i’ve started dating other people even though i have no intention of striking a new relationship with anyone. i know how my family and close friends are going to be. they will support me. but for those who knew (us) as a couple will definitely view my act as nothing less than evil. i will love them the same…in hell.

***

i almost got into another fight the other day at work. some band dudes that came to record were handing out cd’s and i refused one since i get tons of that shit. one guy decided to say out loud, “oh, he doesn’t want one. he’s too cool.” from my long day at work, my recent hearbreak, my recent break-up, and lack of sex automatically switched my aggressive behaviour on.

i walked up to him and scared the shit out of him and the rest of his bandmates with my eloquent insults and gorilla posture. i told him to ’shut the fuck up and to not come around to our studios talking shit.’ all of them were like, ‘oh shit.’

turned out my good buddy from a long time ago, who i was just talking with inside prior to the incident, was their band leader. oops.

***

i fought quite well at the last belt promotion exam in the dojo. i was surprised how easy it was. everyone kept patting me on the back after i fought the blackbelts but i was suspicious. i kept thinking they were holding back. the other belts were like, ‘no, man, you were moving fast and blocks looked pretty brutal.’ still, i felt like they were holding back.

i spoke to my eskrima mentor about it. he said that i was training pretty hard leading up to it so he doesn’t doubt that i was prepared. ‘your heart and mind was in sync.’

i’ve been wanting to go to the East Bay Rats fight club and see.

***

i met SOLAR the other night. he’s the resident dj/promoter for Hell-A-Mode, the rival party on our DEEP KISS wednesday nights. he called me out at LDL the other night when i was wearing my band shirt, DEPRESSOR. “depressor!” he yelled from across the bar. turns out he knows ____ and _____ from back in the day high school style! i was like, ‘no way!’

we started chummin’ about folks and bands of the true school and shook on our veteran status. we may be older than everyone else, but we reign in blood!

i promised jenny young before she left that i’ll cross promote for her party, which i did for her going away. but, now that i’ve realized a connection with solar, i will be adamant about supporting his thing at the transfer the same nights. after all, only we know what COC stands for! lol

DEEP KISS vs Hell-A-Mode Bowling Night Challenge Coming Soon!!!

***

ku just started his 2nd Grade year yesterday!!! he wasn’t excited about it. he’s been in school the whole summer in japan and is bummed he has to go back. turned out that his new gf is in the other class. he’s bummed.

i made his breakfast and lunch today. i’m also making sure he doesn’t see the video i posted above. he just might start a food fight! lol

i’m afraid he might be picking up on my recent aggressive behaviour…=( i should watch it.

***

i’m starting to get annoyed by underage people acting real retarded. anyone else?

I REALLY REALLY LIKE YOU

Brazilian Girls “Jique”

Tu sais pour toi j’ai une faiblesse
Si si, pour toi un-e faiblesse…
A chaque fois that we’re together
Penso: my heart goes purpur

You know ‘You’ve got that feeling’ – you’ve got that feeling
Ce qu’on appelle
That feeling –that feeling
Goes well with my nature
Mit meiner Natur

Jique – Jique – Jique
Jique çe soir

Sundays ok son
Sundays ok

You know : I really really like you – really really like you
I said : I really really like you – idem
Çe n’est pas de la paresse
Wenn ich mich ver-ges-se

You’ve got a nose and that feeling
Cio che si dice il:
Feeling
Ich sag:
T’es comme un parasite
Plus je gratte plus ça pique!

***

***

have you met someone lately who’s charming, ambitious, and can hold up a conversation beyond just partying and possible sex? i know we’re not looking for a relationship, but would you turn away good company especially if they are reciprocating genuine interest in what you really are and what you do?

everyone suffers from heartbreak and it’s no wonder why people get cold after a while, cynical with dating, and, perhaps, overlooking love in fear of another heartbreak? “too soon,” you say. well, i’m not looking for a rebound either. but i do really really like her, and by the way i’ve been feeling lately, please don’t stop me.

***

last deep kiss party, _____ king stopped by to say ‘what’s up’ and show off his latest date, a brazilian girl so gorgeous i had to choke. she was with another brazilian girl there who was even more gorgeous and had a thicker accent. i keep wondering if brazil is a country with only beautiful people as its population? like, everyone i meet from there are good looking. milfs especially. shoot, gilfs too! hehe. ahem.

***

dear _____,

thank you for last weekend. it was heartbreaking to know that i won’t see you for a long time but i appreciated your taking time to give closure to this chapter of our love story, one that began 14 years ago. the book isn’t done, but a new chapter does begin. i truly congratulate you and your new life. i promise not to fuck it up by reaching out. i’ll respect your vows. you’ll make a beautiful bride.

but, know this…i have and will always always love you.

love,

________

***

ok, time to have sex.

THE LOVE POLICE IS CHASING AFTER US

The Fashion “Solo Impala” (Denmark)

***

***

i went out last night to talk biz with the folks at the rickshaw. i was taken aback at the numbers we have to prepare for in order to pull off the one-off deep kiss event we want to do in november. good thing though…now we can plan for it. i guess careful negotiations and sharp planning can avoid pitfalls in both money and community. thanks, cyrus, for good advice and friendship. i’m a LOADED fan for sure.

***

i recently made friends with jasonic of HOT TUB, the oakland booty bass live chick rapper group that’s been playing a lot lately including BLOW UP and the disco. he makes all the beats of TUB and his wife raps with the other two girls. he’s studying recording technology at the school i teach at so we get to chop it up a bit.

his wifey is also filipino (or ‘pinay’ is what we call the women and ‘pinoy’ for someone like me, but it means ‘filipino-american’ and doesn’t apply to filipinos born and raised in the islands). anyways, when i met her the first time, she called me out right away. ‘pinoy ka!’ which means, ‘you’re a flip!’ and i was like, ‘that’s right, bitch!’ =D

last night, at the rickshaw, i decided to wait in line with them and talk about an upcoming show we’re doing and also test the length of the wait for a line extending out to the next apartment.

we were just hollering and laughing about shit and she reminded me that she’s all about our heritage and all the funny shit that come along with it. i couldn’t wait to share with her that i’ve been praciticing KALI ESKRIMA, an older form of filipino martial arts that engage lots of swords, daggers, and poking in the eyes! she was like, ‘wow! really?’ there’s this plaque that every true pinoy family have usually displayed in living rooms like this one:

all pinoys have seen this but never truly knew what these swords were for. so, i started explaining the differences between them and how the shape of the blade affect the movement of the sword yeilding.

kris sword from yogyakarta

one blade that took her interest was the ‘kris’ which shears the skin instead of cutting it, making it irreparable and one of the deadliest native knives there are. what’s deadlier? the ‘balisong’ or butterfly knife. deadlier only because it can be concealed and used on close quarter ambush. yes, filipinos invented it.

antique balisong

i’m learning a lot from my weekend warrior routine. i’ve been training at the park on saturdays with this short and pudgy pinoy from stockton with missing fingers on each hand but this guy can ‘convince’ a tree to fall over by itself. i’m real lucky to be his prodigy. it was at that moment when i mentioned that the other person that come is this older gentleman/soldier who also happens to be the principal of VANGUARD PROPERTIES, a very upscale posh property management firm in SF. immediately, the conversation turned towards how hard it is to get a mortgage nowadays.

the rest of the night, i thought about how to cut some people out of my face. thanks HOT TUB! oh, and, also, they were there to promote their upcoming show with DJ Funk. lookout.

the wait in line was about 15 minutes but it seemed fast cuz we were having a good time…in line!

***

“We made out at every stop light on the way home.
The cops were laughing at us.
It was awesome.”

***

i introduced a buddy to a cute girl i know. they were happy. i was happy. then, another friend introduced me to a real cute girl she knows. i offered her a drink but she already knew her limit. points. we started talking about stuff and she mentioned she’s in college. double points. she’s studying psychology and gender studies at Cal. triple points. she’s focusing on sexology. quadruple multi gugol points! =D immediately, i volunteered for research! =P

deep kiss wednesday night lab.

AND NEVER TRAVEL BACK

Jim Avignon “Jukebox” (NYC/Berlin)

hello jukebox play me a song
a dark and gloomy one
that fits into my mood

hello phonebox tell me a lie
that she would call me back
i know she never will

na na na na

hello nightbar give me a drink
that makes me want to fuck
and not with everyone

hello sailor show me a land
where i can travel to
and never travel back

na na na na

play me a song
then tell me a lie
give me a drink
show me a land

***

***

omg jim avignon (aka neoangin) paintings…

***

sever years ago, i responded to an ad on craigslist looking for band to book for a new local indie rock showcase night. i sent a message saying ‘i’m not a band. i’m a dj that play 80’s nostalgia stuff…but heavy metal and deathrock nostalgia.

i was spinning hardcore and thrash at molotov’s at that time for guiness and jager shots and recently found my sister’s old record stack that i hid a long time ago. i hated her music then but i got a real good kick listening to blondie, missing persons, adam ant, billy idol, and shit like this time around. i wanted to play a set and dedicate it to her for introducing me to motorhead when she did back in our pre-adolescence.

a girl by the name of tin fan (pronounced TEEN FAN) was the one putting it together and she responded with ‘huh? i was looking for bands. (idiot!)’ but i wrote her back saying ‘let me spin in between the bands so the energy keeps going and going’ and i proceeded to butter her up about how i’ve played in bands locally for years and that i’m so down for the underground and don’t expect money or glory just drinks and tips. she took a liking to me and said ‘can you come on time?’

i started doing the ant show with her on a great start and had lots of fun times with local bands coming together comprising most of the crowd. all the hardcore party people were down the street at Butter where all the old school rocker/jipsters would hang and all the upstart rockers were playing the ant show. twas fun times for sure.

i think it was the following year or two, i took a gig to shoot a music video in bali (HD underwater, yo!) and put together a send-off party for myself called FANTASTIC VOYAGE and invited my favorite rock’n'roll djs to all play. there was one conflict…they were sort of ‘rival’ djs playing parties that happen on the same night. but, for that one night, they all played my party to say ‘thank you for your patronage’ and i thanked them for always giving me and the rest of us misfits a good night for drinking and debauchery.

JEFRODISIAC, RICHIE PANIC, JENNY YOUNG, OMAR, JET SET JAMES, KID JAGGER, and JOELNESS (Club ID) plus a live performance by SF underground sensation NO CONDOM? WHATEVER!

ltr: liza, kimi, and courtney (photo by parker day)

it was a fun night! the dancefloor boasted of all the finest skunkheads the city (and san jose) had to offer. all the trucker hats and the sideways haircuts got along and even my metalhead buddies showed up to stay outside and look tough! it was great. camel cigarettes paid the dj’s, keystone beer and some vodka company gave out drinks and midnight shots. the girl i really liked was there with her bandmates and danced all night. and i was given pocket money at the end of the night by the bar which proved to be helpful when i found myself living on a cargo boat hopping between islands alone deep in the philippines.

before i left, i didn’t leave tin fan hanging. she hooked up with another dj that fit the bill and she’s also a girl, STEENA LYNN. she would go on to carve out her own with West Add Radio and parties with her blonde friends.

when i got back, i moved on. now, 3 years later, The Ant Show is having a 3 year anniversary party and i’ve been invited to come and play for old times sake. i look forward to playing my older sister’s records.

THOU SHALT NOT FALL IN LOVE SO EASILY

Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip Thou Shalt Always Kill (UK)

Thou shalt not steal if there is direct victim.
Thou shalt not worship pop idols or follow lost prophets.
Thou shalt not take the names of Johnny Cash, Joe Strummer, Johnny Hartman, Desmond Decker, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix or Syd Barret in vain.
Thou shalt not think that any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a peadophile… Some people are just nice.
Thou shalt not read NME.
Thall shalt not stop liking a band just because they’ve become popular.
Thou shalt not question Stephen Fry.
Thou shalt not judge a book by it’s cover.
Thou shalt not judge Lethal Weapon by Danny Glover.
Thall shalt not buy Coca-Cola products. Thou shalt not buy Nestle products.
Thou shalt not go into the woods with your boyfriend’s best friend, take drugs and cheat on him.
Thou shalt not fall in love so easily.
Thou shalt not use poetry, art or music to get into girls’ pants. Use it to get into their heads.
Thou shalt not watch Hollyoakes.
Thou shalt not attend an open mic and leave as soon as you’re done just because you’ve finished your shitty little poem or song you self-righteous prick.
Thou shalt not return to the same club or bar week in, week out just ’cause you once saw a girl there that you fancied but you’re never gonna fucking talk to.

Thou shalt not put musicians and recording artists on ridiculous pedestals no matter how great they are or were.

The Beatles – Were just a band.
Led Zepplin – Just a band.
The Beach Boys – Just a band.
The Sex Pistols – Just a band.
The Clash – Just a band.
Crass – Just a band.
Minor Threat – Just a band.
The Cure – Just a band.
The Smiths – Just a band.
Nirvana – Just a band.
The Pixies – Just a band.
Oasis – Just a band.
Radiohead – Just a band.
Bloc Party – Just a band.
The Arctic Monkeys – Just a band.
The next big thing – JUST A BAND.

Thou shalt give equal worth to tragedies that occur in non-English speaking countries as to those that occur in English speaking countries.
Thou shalt remember that guns, bitches and bling were never part of the four elements and never will be.

Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music

Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music

Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music

Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music

Thou shalt not pimp my ride.
Thou shalt not scream if you wanna go faster.
Thou shalt not move to the sound of the wickedness.
Thou shalt not make some noise for Detroit.
When I say “Hey” thou shalt not say “Ho”.
When I say “Hip” thou shalt not say “Hop”.
When I say “he say, she say, we say, make some noise” – kill me.
Thou shalt not quote me happy.
Thou shalt not shake it like a Polaroid picture.
Thou shalt not wish your girlfriend was a freak like me.
Thou shalt spell the word “Pheonix” P-H-E-O-N-I-X not P-H-O-E-N-I-X, regardless of what the Oxford English Dictionary tells you.
Thou shalt not express your shock at the fact that Sharon got off with Bradley at the club last night by saying “Is it”.
Thou shalt think for yourselves.

And thou shalt always kill.

***

***

what? crass? minor threat? oasis? smiths? just a band?!!! !@#$%@$#%

***

quotes of the week:

“i’m getting married. but, i’ll always love you.”

“you’d be the best guy! i’ve never seen any of your work but i’m sure you’re the best.”

“i can’t wait to ___ your ____!!! argh!”

“being in love totally suck sometimes.”

***

i’ve taken myself ‘off the radar’ for a while. don’t asky why. but, i’ve realized quite a great deal these past several weeks regarding what i find attractive and what actually moves me. so many pretty girls here in san francisco for sure. but, after a while, i start missing great conversations.

i told myself a while back that i’ll be more careful getting too close to someone because i really don’t want to jump in another relationship for a longer minute. but, pretty and drunk girls who have nothing better to say is starting to get old. yes, they’re young but it gets ‘old.’

where have all the more interesting women gone? oh yeah…taken.

***

stealth.

DON’T LET THE DARKNESS EAT YOU UP

José González – Down The Line

José González “Down The Line” (Sweden)

i’ve seen problems down the line
i know that they’re mine

…
doing the same mistake twice
making the same mistake twice

come on over
be so kind
it’s all about compromise

i’ve seen problems down the line
i know that they’re mine
i’ve seen darkness down the line
i know that they’re mine

…
doing the same mistake twice
making the same mistake twice

come on over
be so kind
it’s all about compromise

i’ve seen problems down the line
i know that they’re mine

don’t let the darkness eat you up

***

***

i’ve taken myself off the radar. for the first time, i don’t want to share it with anyone. many people say i wear my heart on my sleeve, so i’ve decided to tuck and hide it up where only real friends can see. only they will know what’s fact and what’s fiction with all this stupid blogging.

***

i’ve been such a pig. i realized how scared i really am to live the rest of my life lonely. but i’m not a liar…yet, i lie to cover up how unfaithful i really am. i saw a doctor about my hypersexuality and he guessed that it had to do with my sense of denial…that i was reacting to a loneliness i developed from being in a relationship that already unraveled years ago which i insisted might be salvagable. all the while still believing that you and i will eventually be together.

the breaking point was when you told me you were finally getting married. i completely sank. i wept uncontrollably right after i hung up…and once again in traffic yesterday. luckily i don’t have road rage anymore. but, thank you for calling me. i really am glad for you and proud of you and wish you and your lucky fiance all the best. i still love you and will endear you all my life. yea, it’s probably better not to invite me to the wedding. i’d totally ruin it. like, show up witha white horse and take you away and shit like that. or maybe a donkey. ever seen two asses on top of each other? i have.

ok, jokes aside…congratulations. it’s my turn to wait.

***

the past two days have been solemn. __ has been staying with his grandma in order for ______ and i to spend time and talk things out. it’s been weird since they’ve been back. between the three of us, we work. between the two of us, we’ve become even more distant. so, i popped the question, “is it time to officialize our divorce?”

we had a great dinner at ________. we’ve always wanted to eat there together but she was always too frugal to spend all that money. we both were anticipating talking heavy so we focused most of our conversation about her business and i talked her ears off about all my new ventures since they left for _____. it was a good and light conversation and i behaved my best as a kind gentleman and chivalrous date.

we walked over to the park and sat on the bench facing the church. we admitted to each other our lack of romance and, without raising our voice, declared our blame. it’s all been said before but, this time, i said i wanted a divorce. she agreed. we both knew that we’ve been trying to hold on to something that doesn’t exist anymore. we both felt real sad for __ who we both want to protect…and keep. rest assured, i affirmed ‘no contest.’

the only times we become tender to each other are when separation anxiety takes over. i pointed that out and reminded her that between the times we break up, we fight like pit bulls trained to kill. but, when we scare each other with breaking up, we become loving like pit bulls are naturally.

but, the lie has to stop. the three of us will never stop as a family, but the two of us just doesn’t work. i’m not the guy she met 13 years ago, nor will i become the man she needs anytime near in the future. i just can’t keep lying to her. it’s making me into a bigger asshole and she just becomes depressed. that’s no way to protect our son. in fact, it’s hurting him more for us to stay together, i feel. i might also be wrong.

***

on the way home from work yesterday, while stuck in traffic, i had a flashback of when i proposed to her. it was at golden gate park’s strybing arboretum. i remembered how i had to make a decision to marry her prematurely before i graduate from school so that we can stay together eventhough i knew it was my life plan to marry after i got my first degree. do i regret it? no, i don’t.

being married in college did somehow keep me straight and forward-bound, focused on academic achievement and award-winning work. i did, however, only cheat on her 4 times then. i attributed my unfaithful behaviour to my distorted sense of marriage…since i was born out of wedlock and my dad having a great reputation as an outstanding politician/civil serviceman and international womanizer. but, it confused me because i wanted to fix that about me. so, i stopped doing that, especially when we found out we were pregnant. then, you came back.

i’ve been real good since. i even convinced myself that i can be faithful and control my urges. not seeing you for a while worked. but, this last summer became the ’summer of lust’ for me and it became apparent that being locked into a relationship, this one, is causing me to hurt her more and myself in the long run. but, i’m so afraid that getting a divorce would be the mistake i’ll regret. yet, i see darkness down the line and i can’t explain why.

***

i hope she doesn’t do anything to hurt herself. i’m not going to abandon her. in fact, i plan to keep taking care of both of them no differently. i simply need another place to stay so that i can be who i am and not hate anyone for trying to change or control me. that has been my biggest problem.

since sunday, we’ve been real nice to each other again. i hope we both find happyness.

***

i’m done for now.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE ALONE

Speak To Louis “Arms Reach” (UK)

***

***

i can’t wait to see my son! he comes back this thursday and i’m about to burst. i’ve missed him so much. this was the longest he’s ever been away from me. 2.5 months was awkwardly long. i’m gonna hug that guy all school year long! even though he doesn’t want to kiss me anymore (especially at school! lol) i’m gonna have to smother him with all the love i’ve saved up just for him…whether he likes it or not! haha!

Ku at his Tokyo pad throwing his Naruto hand seal

***

this summer has been quite an awakening. ______ and i were at ends and had to really figure out what we were going to do with our lives together. after we lost our last baby, it really derailed us far apart, unlike the first time it happened which drew us closer. we were set on separating and she initiated our break-up last time. but, before she left, we both got all emo and had a very deep talk. she forgave me and you, but she can’t forget and it still hurts her. she was sure she was done…until we kissed again. she broke down crying. it was her idea to be apart this summer just to see how we’d do.

at first, i wanted to keep myself chastised and prudent. but, instead, i went off like the summer of ‘90 when i went to europe for the first time. i tried keeping myself lonely and focused on music and gigs. but, focusing on music and gigs only threw me into the pit where i would find others who were in love-limbo like me. i redefined ‘promise’ and ‘promiscuity’ and engaged in so much self-destructive behaviour which warrant a slap in the face and that anyone who have any sense would be appalled by. i know i’m not sleazy…but i might have completely sown my wild oats this summer. the irony is that the more lovers i had, the lonelier i got.

along the way, i met so many beautiful people. some who are troubled and some who are traveled. i connected with genuinely attractive and ambitious women, ate fine dining, and was constantly with someone different every weekend. but, all the while, i woke up every morning wishing that you were next to me. in fact, i looked forward to seeing you all this time and when you came and went without seeing me, my heart sunk so deep that i decided to play ‘russian roulette’ sexcapade with strangers, some whose names i never even knew…or asked, for that matter.

now that she’s coming back, i’m a bit scared. we either make it or break it. i’m confused. i want love! that, i know for sure. and the only thing that grounds me is a little boy. it did make me realize that, however mean i made her out to be, she stayed faithful and committed, unlike us.

***

it’s time to come clean and take things to the next level.

***

dear _____,

it’s your birthday this wednesday and i wish i could give you a birthday kiss. i know you’ll be with him instead but if you feel a tingle on the back of your neck, that’s me blowing you a kiss. i have a party that i’m throwing that night and i’m secretly dedicating all the songs to you. in case you’re in town, you should come surprise me like you did before. it would mean the world to me.

whenever the subject of ‘love at first sight’ pops up, you’re the one i think of and declare that it’s real. i know you’ve moved on and i have too. but, i look forward to seeing you again every waking moment. it is that hope that drives me and inspire all my writing. should i never see you again, my love for you will burn eternally still.

love,

_______

***

DANCE POOR PEOPLE DANCE

St. Vincent “Paris Is Burning” (Brooklyn)

I write to give word the war is over
Send my cinders home to mother
They gave me a medal for my valor
Leaden trumpets spit the soot of power they say

“I’m on your side when nobody is, cause nobody is
Come sit right here and sleep while I slip poison in your ear”

We are waiting on a telegram to give us news of the fall
I am sorry to report dear Paris is burning after all
We have taken to the streets in open rejoice revolting
We are dancing a black waltz fair paris is burning after all

Oh no oh no

Enclosed in this letter there’s a picture
Black and white for your refridgerator
Sticks and stones have made me smarter
it’s words that cut me under my armor they say

“I’m on your side when nobody is, cause nobody is,
come sit right here and sleep while I slip poison in your ear”

We are waiting on a telegram to give us news of the fall
I am sorry to report dear Paris is burning after all
We have taken to the streets in open rejoice revolting
We are dancing a black waltz fair paris is burning after all

Oh no oh no

Dance poor people dance and drown
Dance fair Paris to the ground
Dance poor people dance and drown
Dance fair Paris ashes now

***

***

she’s an indie artist, looks like alyssa milano, and plays a mean guitar. wow.

***

i’m so bummed. i wanted to go and see st. vincent at cafe du nord tonite but i’m so broke…it’s so confusing. i have only enough to either go see her perform or go get drunk and dance like usual. hmm. i know…

***

i think i like (people) who can express themselves endearingly, through song, or dance…or anything artistic really.

***

“don’t listen to anyone else! you gotta stay committed to your own vision. everyone else are assholes.”

***

last night, in front of the booty bar, i caught a myspace friend with her crew. a corner junkie lady tried grabbing her hair (probably thought she was beautiful) but i pushed her hand away. she stuck her hand out to shake my friend’s hand, which she did (gross!), then tried to shake mine. i refused, like always, because i’m afraid of staph and i don’t shake hands with just anyone (maybe it’s a warrior thing or i’m just an asshole). anyways, the junkie lady kicked me so i chased her away! lol

now, that myspace friend is probably thinking…”wow. joselito is an asshole.”

***

last monday, i went to go pick up some herb at the pharmacy and got a talking with this one corporate looking guy. i mentioned to him i make movies and he said he wanted to do a movie on this idea about homeless punks on haight and how they all go home to cushion situations.

i explored with him his precepts as to why he would think those kids would want to go home to a cush situation? i spoke from experience and told him about my years as a runaway and drug user at 11, raised in the punk scene, and off the streets by 15. we determined that his precepts were very insensitive to the real issue, which is HOMELESSNESS.

i broke down for him how we’ve all desensitized ourselves by lumping everyone poor into a group which we call “homeless” which have a different intellectual connection to our emotional psyche. “homeless” use to mean “crisis” but we’ve grown to realize it as “nuisance” (or “entertainment” for some people). i told him to replace the word “homeless” with POOR from now on and see how it feels.

***

boogie for world peace.

I FEEL SO DUMB

The Airborne Toxic Event “Does This Mean You’re Moving On?” (Los Feliz)

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***

tickets today: $248 tow, $50 2 hr, $60 tow ticket

the universe just gave me a big fat kick in the ass.
then it told me what i should be focusing on.
the first thing i saw when i got home was a red door.
i noticed the plants have been thirsty.
so i watered them and said ’sorry.’

***

the thing was that i had the chance to move the car before the tickets and the tow but i didn’t. i looked for chalk and tried to erase it. so fucking dumb! argh @!$%@$ lol

i owe mr. pinkwhistle staff a good time. those dollars should’ve gone to them…the interns there did such a good job fixing my dumb ass hair after i hacked it myself! lol. but i was there for 5 hours and i should’ve just parked in the garage or just took the bus.

what i learned today was that the universe made the human body so that it’s easier for us to pat ourselves in the back than we can kick ourselves in the ass. we still need others for that.

***

on a good note:

bat for lashes last night was so fucking awesome. natasha khan came out looking mega fine hot and sang her heart into mine and mine only, I SWEAR!!! ok, maybe not but she smiled and winked at me. ok, maybe not that either. but i made friends with their sound guy and stage production dude who was this dreadlock burning man type surfer from brighton. he said his job was to tour around the world with four beautiful women. nice.

st. vincent is coming up! this friday i think. and i found out that cafe du nord food is super good!

myspace.com/stvincent

yea, and if you feel like dancing after, some friends host a party not too far away. should be a good night!

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i got a letter from ______ today. it was really sweet! she said she gained a lot of weight from all the food there. __ says she should poop and pee a lot and keeps daring her to spell “c-u-p” before busting up laughing. i can’t wait for him to come home. i’m looking forward to seeing her too. i wonder where she gained it! =D

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moving on up!