SHE CAUSED A FADING DREAM TO WAKE

Stoney “Jailbird” (UK)

Do you dream like a baby Jailbird? (sitting in a cage)
Do you only know your own world
Do you wonder at your wings, do you wonder at your wings?
Can you follow where the wind blows
In these everlasting limbos that never give you up
but never give enough

She shakes the cage, she shakes the cage (I’m overcome, I’m overthrown)
She dares the jaded heart to hope again (she bends back the bars and calls me home)
She breaks the chains, she breaks the chains (I’m overcome, I’m overthrown)
She caused the fading dream to wake and stirred up the hurricanes of change (of change)

She’s woken a dream from slumber
She’s broken the spell I’m under
I laid a loyal kiss upon the hand of risk
and nothing will feed the hunger and so the haunted becomes the haunter
The bird upon the wire, with the belly full of fire

She shakes the cage, she shakes the cage (I’m overcome, I’m overthrown)
She dares the jaded heart to hope again (she bends back the bars and calls me home)
She breaks the chains, she breaks the chains (I’m overcome, I’m overthrown)
She caused the fading dream to wake and stirred up the hurricanes of change ( of change)

Well I bit the hand that fed me and it closed into a fist,
But this damn job was paying peanuts, I was feeling like a monkey in a zoo (a monkey in a zoo)
The safety of monotony had put the blinkers on
the bait of mediocrity and hook, line, sinker I’d been caught (baby we’d been caught)

She shakes the cage, she shakes the cage (I’m overcome, I’m overthrown)
She dares the jaded heart to hope again (she bends back the bars and calls me home)
She breaks the chains, she breaks the chains (I’m overcome, I’m overthrown)
She caused the fading dream to wake and stirred up the hurricanes of change ( of change)

***

…AND STIRRED UP THE HURRICANES OF CHANGE!!!

***

this past holiday weekend grounded me back enough to recognize my true self again, how deep my roots and how strong my foundations truly are, how wide my branches do extend, full of life and fruitfulness, seasoned and loved though tethered, vulnerable yet admired, forever useful, calming, and forgiving.

the only true way is to be the only true way.

***

x: “i’ve met someone new.”

o: “i got with my ex.”

***

i’m real excited about finishing BIZARRE LOVE PENTAGRAM. folks i met up with in LA were like, “dude! now is the time to push your shit! the writer strike totally fucked the studios. they’re all looking for new and fresh shit!” but, i side with the writers’ strike and would be comprimising my principles if i try to break the picket line and approach the studios with my scripts…even if it is a handsome lot of money…shit!…pffft. “but!” they interrupted, “you wouldn’t be dicking anybody if your shit is already shot!”

they’re right. hmmm…

***

“When there is a void, there is an opportunity.” ~Mama

***

i <3 mom

POSEUR OR PROFESSIONAL PRETENDER

Arctic Monkeys “Teddy Picker” (UK)

Despair to the point till they provoke
The punchline before they have told the joke
The sheer desperation to be scene/seen
Staring at the television screen

Despair to the point where they provoke
You to tell the fucking punchline before you have told the joke
Sorry sunshine it doesn’t exist
It wasn’t in the top 100 list

And it’s the thousandth time and it’s even bolder,
Don’t be surprised when you get bent over,
He told ya, that you were gagging for it

She saw it and she grabbed it and it wasn’t what it seemed
The kids all dream of making it, whatever that means
Another variation on a theme
A tangle on the television and the magazine
D’you reckon that they do it for a joke?
D’you reckon that they make ‘em take an oath?
That says “we are defenders
Of any poseur or professional pretender around”

When did your list replace the twist and turn?
Ah the fist, replaced the kissed-on concern
And if you’re bothered, I don’t want your prayers
Save it for the morning after

And it’s the thousandth time and it’s even bolder,
Don’t be surprised when you get bent over,
He told ya, that you were gagging for it

Lets have a game on the Teddy Picker
Not quick enough can I have it quicker?
Already thick and you’re getting thicker
Lets have a game on the Teddy Picker
Not quick enough can I have it quicker?
Already thick and you’re getting thicker

Asuming that all things are equal,
Who’d want to be men of the people
When there’s people like you?

***

“save it for the morning after”

***

…must…play…punk…metal…

***

speak and spells spew sprocket sprees specially spin sports and sprawl spray with spider spit and spliffs and spam.

spam.

***

“the frost will soon be upon us.” ~Rev. Demonseed 11:13

***

i’ve recently been visited by a lark that spoke of regrets and remedies. the lark lit a spark in my dark, dark, demented blindness and revealed an old nostalgic tale that resonate deep in my bones of days of yore when ‘crunch’ meant a tone and ’sick’ was a goal. behold…dusty punk metal records.

I CAN’T GET THIS PORNFILM OUT OF MY HEAD

Stina Nordenstam “Get On With Your Life” (Sweden)

They put a needle once in my spine
It took them so long to find it
I can’t get this pornfilm out of my head
Let’s get on with it

It is banging inside
It is singing aloud
Get on with your life

All over the world they get out of bed
Love dies every second
I can’t get this creature out of my way
Killing it is not an option

It is biting your nails
So as not to scratch
Get on with your life

It is counting aloud
‘Til the battery dies
Get on with your life

And I try to get up and I try to move but
This thing won’t let me
It’s heavy as a man’s body on you
And it’s this close to get me

It is banging inside
It is singing aloud
Get on with your life

‘Til the battery die
‘Til the battery dies:
Get on with your life

***

moving out soon. an impending doom.
several years. too many tears.
a dusty room.

***

she loves me, she loves me not
she loves me, she loves me not
she loves me, she loves me not

i love me, i love me not

***

i recently had a nice and tantilizing opportunity to take over a spot a friend is leaving behind. the other roommates are friends that i’ve known, both very gorgeous, and both trustworthy. when i saw the room, i noticed there wasn’t a door. it was the one complication that would make me decide whether to stay there or not. all i thought about was…well…private kinky sex with cameras. a door is a must…and soundproof insulation. hmm, too complicated already.

appointments at oakland tomorrow and north berkeley sunday. 2 bedroom apt or 1 bedroom duplex.

***

(kinky sex with cameras) on pause.
vs.
kinky sex (with cameras on pause).

***

it was our anniversary. we didn’t know whether to see each other or not. i called her to see if she’d like to hang out and she did. for old time’s sake, we decided to drive out to napa back to a spot we use to go to when we were younger. lots of lovemaking memories there!

we set out around noon and figured we’d have a whole afternoon tasting wine and cheeses at v. sattuis winery where they have this one gamay rouge wine sweet enough for saying ‘yum’ but not too much for saying ‘ech.’ but we must’ve been yapping too much since we didn’t even realize we had driven 2 hours past sacramento! lol.

luckily we had run out of gas or we woulda kept driving the wrong direction. the gas attendant was like, ‘oh, it’s an hour and a half south…watch out for illegal drunk driving!’ huh? i asked if there was such thing as ‘legal drunk driving.’ she meant ‘illegal IMMIGRANT drunk driving.’ thanks sacramento hillbilly.

we got to v. sattui’s an hour before they close. it was perfect! good parking, no line for wine, and good deals on crab and portabello mushrooms plus a bangin’ tiramisu dessert mocha thing!

it was a good talk we had on a park bench between orchards with a sunset scene behind vineyards that would captivate anyone with any sense of natural beauty. we chuckled. we teased. we confessed. we apologized. we giggled some more. the wine was good for sure.

the drive back to sf only took an hour. our conversation centered around past lovers and clearing up any suspicions of possible affairs early in our relationship. it was as if we might as well say everything without holding back since we’re moving on…or, that we were meeting again.

she told me she wishes we met much later in life. but, i told her that i don’t regret anything. not one thing.

the night ended like a movie with a happy ending with the final shot suggesting a sequel. still the movie ends for the next one to begin.

***

ever seen a porn flick with a star that looks strikingly like your ex?

AND FOR YOU I KEEP MY LEGS APART

Lykke Li “A Little Bit” (Sweden)

Hands down, Im too proud for love
But with eyes shut, its you Im thinking of
But how we move from A to B, can’t be up to me
Cause I dont know
Eye to eye, thigh to thigh
I let go…

I think Im a little bit, little bit, a little bit in love with you
only if youre a little bit, little bit, little bit in love with me.

And for you I keep my legs apart,
and forget about my tainted heart,
and I will never ever be the first to say it, but still I,
yes you know I..I..I..
I would do it, push the button,
pull the trigger, jump of a cliff,
you know baby I love you, love you,
a little bit

I think Im a little bit, little bit, a little bit in love with you ,
only if youre a little bit, little bit, little bit in love with me.

Come here stay with me, struck me by the hair,
I would do anything, anything to have you as my man

Little bit.

***

thank you, _____, for talking with me. i feel much better about things now. still, as turbulent as it sounded, i know that things will turn out fine. my anti-social behavior should cease soon. i look forward to making things right. with love…

plus, all the homies are jealous and think i’m the don thanks to you.

***

i won’t be around much anymore. but just cuz you don’t see me, doesn’t mean that i’m gone. i’ll be underground, shaking things up. see you in sweden.

xoxo