today i cleaned out the car and took the whole dog smell out of it with tender care. i thought, “i let Ku sit in a car like this? ech!” i realized i’ll just have to clean the car out more often.
i cleaned out the backyard and threw out all the rattan wood i stupidly left out there. the rain soaked them and made them pretty moldy. ech. i threw out all the fallen grass in the front yard and picked up every piece of garbage on the sidewalk in front of the house. i figured, “who else is gonna do it?”
Sooner or later it all comes crushing down (crushing down), crushing down (crushing down) when everyone’s around
I bet you would’ve paid up or you’ll cash down (you’ll cash down)and not make a sound (to make a sound)everyone knows now
(So you’re sad)
About the moment you lost your love (Damn)
You couldn’t see her leaving
(You were gassed)
And that’s such donet cause God yanked the rug and holding your heart will not help you breathe
Sooner or later it all comes crushing down (crushing down), crushing down (crushing down) when everyone’s around
I bet you would’ve paid up or you’ll cash down (you’ll cash down)and not make a sound (to make a sound)everyone knows now
It all some crushing down
It’s over leave it
It’s over leave it
It’s over leave it
It’s over leave it
(So you’re sad)
And you should own it and you fucked up (Damn)
You thought that you were the team
(You were gassed)
And now your opponent who wears your gloves (Damn)
A nightmare just ate up your dreams
Sooner or later it all comes crushing down (crushing down), crushing down (crushing down) when everyone’s around
I bet you would’ve paid up or you’d cash down (you’ll cash down)and not make a sound (to make a sound)everyone knows now
It all some crushing down
It’s over believe it
It’s over believe it
It’s over believe it
It’s over believe it
(So you’re sad)
Could have had so much done you blew it off (Damn)
Your chance is passing you by
(You were gassed)
Time waits for no one
And it cost for a lost
Because made joke should you laugh or cry
Sooner or later it all comes crushing down (crushing down), crushing down (crushing down) when everyone’s around
I bet you would’ve paid up or you’d cash down (you’ll cash down)and not make a sound (to make a sound)everyone knows now
It all some crushing down
It’s over believe it
It’s over believe it
It’s over believe it
It’s over believe it
***
it’s been hard hitting lately. now that most of my friends are laid off and all my clients no longer spending, it’s become much harder as a freelancer to do anything in this city unless we give in to the grind and put on a professional tie, the leash of society. although i look good in a suit, i’ve always worn it with chuck taylors on. but now, i’ve got to put on nicer shoes.
last week was a spike of excitement when the CEO of a model lifestyle company called me to make a few wireless content commercials for them. i thought, ‘fuck yea!’ i was eager to work and it can be very promising since most of their content sucked ass and i could really shine. but, when i began settling into a negotiated budget with them, they decided to completely low ball me and pay less than what i would make working a paper route.
i was…insulted, but also desperate for something consistent. i really had to think about it: take the money and be miserable waiting for something better; or, don’t sell myself short and trudge through the winter until the new year comes.
my reaction? stick to my guns. i can make money doing other things and i can always do the things i love like music and film without having to get paid for it so long as i stay honest to myself. this decision won’t sit well with a few people who rely on my steady flow but i just don’t believe that i’m worth less than a paper route. sure, the economy is fucked and, yes, there are others that would take it for less and, right, i need the dough. yet, there is that super riding disqualifying word at the end of every argumentative sentence: “but…”
so i’ve put my social leash back on and decided to trudge along.
Lost in cheap delirium
Searching the neon lights
I move carefully
Sink in the city aquarium
Sing in the key of night
As they’re watching me
Take me somewhere we can be alone
Make me somewhere I can call a home
‘Cause lately I’ve been losing on my own
Wrapped in silent elegance
Beautifully broken down
As illusions burst
Too late to learn from experience
Too late to wonder how
To finish first
Take me somewhere we can be alone
Make me somewhere I can call a home
‘Cause lately I’ve been losing on my own
Take me somewhere we can be alone
Make me somewhere I can call a home
Won’t you take me home
Won’t you take me home
‘Cause lately I’ve been losing on my own
Won’t you take me home
***
what is it about hardship that makes certain people sexier than others?
***
times have been tough lately but it’s a boggle how it doesn’t phaze me a tad bit. i know things are crashing down but i’ve become quite aloof and cynical to it all. as if there’s still tomorrow and things are all good. i’m calm and even frisky still. yet, there’s a strange looming that hover me. no, i’m not worried.
my sunday evening was spent in a social scene. the mature birds were all there and they’ve brought along new honey bees. i was smiling with no control and rubbing elbows randomly like someone with a secret that to dispel would only spread the gleeful bell snickering inside of me. joy to the world in the bathroom of the beauty bar!
our time that afternoon was perfectly simple. two hours to catch up for the year apart was enough since our words were few yet meaningful. our youthful promise for our golden years renewed as vows. even though you’re married now, i walked away knowing that to wait is to never be late again. i was happy to see you. it made my social scene happy too. love is true.
There are no guarantees in life
Not for the present,
Nor for the future.
All I know is
That I’m here;
Don’t know for how long.
I love the way
You live so intensely
Enjoy every minute of life
With space to swing
Your arms around
Laughing loudly
Unlike me
Unlike me
Do you think I’m strange?
Unlike you
Unlike you
I am not pretending
There is no time,
There is no time,
There is no time,
Time doesn’t really exist.
The past, the present,
And the future,
Are all side by side,
Hand in hand.
You move and change,
Yet you go nowhere:
Everything stays the same.
You stare at me,
And ask me questions,
Makes me nervous,
This room it keeps a constant tone
While I’m on a roller coaster
Unlike me
Unlike me
Do you think I’m strange
Unlike you
Unlike you
I am not pretending
There is no time
There is no time
There is no time
Time doesn’t really exist
There is no time
There is no time
There is no time
Time doesn’t really exist
***
i just got back from the dog park at corona heights by twin peaks where my son goes to school. there, at the park, is a fenced area where the pups can come and play by the numbers and not runaway. of course, my dog gets all super excited to play but had to also dump so he runs back and forth the fence and up the hill cuz he was too excited. the other dogs explode in barking and running! haha!
after kuma, my dog, dumps, i take him inside the fenced area so he can play. there were two people there with a bunch of dogs and, right away, they leashed their dogs so they couldn’t play with kuma. the lady was ignoring me when i asked how old the dogs were so i asked again and the guy answered and went on a rhetoric about how great a dog walker the lady is and that she doesn’t just let “anyone” in (to mean the dog?) and that “certain” dogs bring an “attitude” that spread to other dogs, such as the barking, and said it with such a condescending tone.
i was like, “…(wtf? lol!)”. i didn’t want to say anything smart back as to not dis the lady for no reason. so instead, i ordered my dog, “ATTACK! ATTACK!!!”
that really gave them a jump! =D
***
i’m looking into getting my work visas together for the UK and UAE. remember how i was struggling with moving to work and leaving my son behind months at a time? well, i realized i need to stop being a wuss. plus, the only work buzz coming my way is from london and my biggest drawback is that i’m too cheap to pay £750 for a 3 year work visa. it costs £2.50 for a phone call to the UK Embassy alone! WTF?
what happened to the days when the answering machine would be full of HR people counter-offering? feck. now my struggle is whether to cut my hair and wear a tie or play guitar and wear a tie??
i guess i’ll play guitar…and wear a tie.
***
can you keep a secret? wear stripes tonight and come to the beauty bar. see what happens.
