NEVER FAR GONE

Yeah Yeah Yeahs “Zero” (New York City)

Shake it like a ladder to the sun
Makes me feel like a madman on the run
Find me, never, never far gone
So get your leather, leather, leather on on on on

Your zero
What’s your name?
No one’s gonna ask you
Better find out where they want you to go

Try and hit the spot
Get to know it in the dark
Get to know it whether you’re
Crying, crying, crying, oh oh
Can you climb, climb, climb higher

Shake it like a ladder to the sun
Makes me feel like a madman on the run
No you’re never, never far gone
So get your leather, leather, leather on on on on

Your zero
What’s your name?
No one’s gonna ask you
Better find out where they want you to go

Try and hit the spot
Get to know it in the dark
Get to know it whether you’re
Crying, crying, crying, oh oh
Can you climb, climb, climb higher

Was it the cure?
Shellshock!
Was it the cure?
Hope not!
Was it the cure?
Shellshock!
Was it the cure?
What’s your name?

Your zero
What’s your name?
No one’s gonna ask you
Better find out where they want you to go

Try and hit the spot
Get to know it in the dark
Get to know it whether you’re
Crying, crying, crying, oh oh
Can you climb, climb, climb higher

Was it the cure?
Shellshock!
Was it the cure?
Hope not!
Was it the cure?
Shellshock!
Was it the cure?
Hope not!

What’s your name? (x7)

***

***

Don’t know about you but I think the new YYYs stuff is absolutely and incredibly refreshing. The video for their new release is awesome and the classic theatrical cinematography reminds me of how I like to shoot, complete with the 720p white balance on red shift and 60p to 24 edits, yea that good stuff. I’m a total nerd! But Karen O is a hot geeky older chick and I’m down with that.

Man, I miss making short movies and music for them. I feel like there’s a void I haven’t filled for a while. I think I’ll actually do something about that…hmm.

I fixed myself a gig writing for a magazine in Los Angeles. It’s a “lifestyle” magazine, the type that publish on “upscale” sorts for travel, leisure, dining, but I’ll be submitting for arts and culture including theater and night life. The best part is that I just send them information on restaurants I want to eat at and hotels I want to stay in (maybe air travel too?) and they promised to take care of the rest. In return, I just continue writing about everyone and everything. I didn’t ask for money, but I did ask for accommodations and connections into the business side of music and film in LA, which they enthusiastically said, “Absolutely!”

Now the tricky part is how I pay the bills meanwhile. I haven’t given up on looking for a job but it seems like a fruitless pursuit given the state of economic times. Even in LA. I’m competing with people who are younger and have updated skills willing to work for half. And, since the lay-offs, everyone and their mother became a writer/blogger or a video producer too. So, those jobs that I did before now have resume building competitors willing to do it for free. My only unique attribute is my years of experience and past accomplishments, but so what? Turns out I either under or over-qualify for most jobs out there now, if I stick to the same path.

I recently reconnected with a good friend traveling from a different road but headed towards the same place. We decided to help each other get there. I dropped my luggage and picked up a guitar.

***

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

-Robert Frost

***

“where are you?”

CORROSION OF NON-CONFORMITY

Telefon Tel Aviv “Immolate Yourself” (Chicago)

***

heavy changes abound. i’ve given up on san francisco in many ways and finally had the balls to get up and go. there’s an old sioux saying, “go where the buffalo roams” and that’s just what i’m doing. i haven’t found a gig here in sf in a long while, for one reason or another, and i ended up having to compete with my own friends for the same bread and i’ve become desperate. as much as i love this town, i need to go. plus, i’ve grown sick of how ironically idiotic people are here. they hate LA, but they’re from there and take with them all the junk that was once specific to LA, like all the glam, cocaine, and herpes. this isn’t my city anymore.

it’s ironic how a music/fashion scene rooted in non-conformity becomes the cookie cutter template for all the rest.

at first, los angeles was the most obvious place. there are tons of job postings on the LA craigslist for things that i do and that’s reassuring especially since more and more are getting laid off as the months go by. the only problem is that the pay is half of what i’m used to making. sucks…but it’s better than joining the post office for a steady gig that will steadily make me go postal on everyone. i decided to leave anyways.

the other day, i got a call from a PR firm in DC. no, not daly city, washington dc. someone was impressed with my curriculum vitae and called me right up for a phone interview. it went well and i researched the company some more. i can’t tell you who it is just yet but the job will push my boundaries of creativity and ethics beyond what i’ve stood for all my life. i will have to join the myriad of suits and ties with briefcases that normalize the image of our nation’s capitol. yes, i have to conform if i take the job, but i also realize that it’s only a different sort of posing and image-centricity than what i would have to endure in los angeles if i went.

why would i go? the money? the city? to leave everyone behind and start something completely new? grow up, maybe? what about my passions? film and music? my son? will it be worth the move? i’ve been dying for answers in the past 24 hours. but, i’ve come to a conclusion.

i want my mojo back. sex, drugs, and rock n roll will always be in my veins (literally) but it’s time to be a mover and shaker again the way i exalted myself before i was a dad. i’ve spent the last 10 years doing what i needed to do to raise my son, be close to him, and pursue my artistic goals part-time. but now that he’s old enough, my bank account drained enough, my longing for worldly action dormant enough, my passions obvious enough, my youth far behind enough, and helped others before myself enough, i’m ready to piece myself back together a step at a time and do what i need to do to welcome the rest of my adult life and walk the path of success no matter how volatile, how course, how malevolent it may be, for i am now strong enough to change my life for the better, with my love ones in mind.

i miss you, but i won’t see you. not in los angeles, at least.

***

my father was a lawyer and politician. it was his idea to put me through law school but it was my own to deny it. i would rather go to film school and pay for it myself than to take his hand-out with strings. i regret not taking the offer now. but, it’s ironic how i will take my skills and use it for the same purpose.

i never would’ve believed it if some soothsayer told me in my youth that i will eventually join the world of suits as a professional or civil servant like my dad. i refused to acknowledge that world and resisted all through out my life to wear a business outfit. my punk upbringing skewed my acceptance of that life and created my fear of money. i always thought of a tie as the leash of society. i never would have thought that i’d be the one holding it. it’s ironic that, in order to be different, i will need to conform.

Banned in DC Bad Brains.