Archive for the ‘Sweden’ Category

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I LET YOU THINK I’M YOURS WHEN I’M NOT

November 17, 2008


Lykke Li “Breaking It Up”

If you’re going abroad I can’t help you
If you’re crossing the street I might be there

If you give it a minute it’s wrong
If you give it a minute it’s gone
If we’re just waiting a second too long
Darling I’ll leave and you won’t come along

So give me the reason to stay
Give me the reason to wait
You know I don’t look to get caught
‘Cause darling we’re here but my true love is not

I’m breaking it up, before it’s on
Breaking it up, it’s already gone
Breaking it up, I didn’t mean to fraud
Breaking it up

If you’re going abroad I can’t help you
If you’re crossing the street I might be there

And I call you baby I will and I do
Persuade you in though I know that we’re through
I let you think that I’m yours when I’m not
Keep you here though I’m ready to drop the last line

I’m breaking it up, before it’s on
Breaking it up, it’s already gone
Breaking it up, I didn’t mean to fraud
Breaking it up

If you’re going abroad I can’t help you
If you’re crossing the street I might be there

Breaking it up
Breaking it up

***

deceit

we’re both competing on craigslist trying to sort through the numerous frauds that proliferate the apt/housing and rooms/shared categories by crooks from the other side of the world. there’s this thing called the “419 SCAM” which is a popular method used by clever bastards to get money wired to them by exploiting people’s gullibility through the internet. it got so popular in nigeria that a law was passed specifically for this crime. it’s numbered 419 in the books and that’s how it got the name. but, there are several clever ways that these crooks go about it that it’s actually fascinating to know how other people could fall for it.

basically, all the junk mail you get in your inbox of lottery wins, business propositions in nigeria, or anything to do with someone wanting to give you money if you let them wire thousands to millions of dollars into your account for your stewardship, is a 419. normally, they target people with spam and someone is bound to respond with their information, which could then be used for identity theft and, ultimately, your bank or credit accounts being drained. these scams got so popular that it evolved to even more sly techniques.

besides the typical “online sweetheart” scheme, one of these techniques is to post a phony apartment ad that’s too good to be true. they actually build a relationship with you through email correspondence and the scheme goes something like this:

they are on a christian mission in africa but they own the place. they persist on making sure you are trustworthy and honest because, you know, they are christians on a mission in africa and they want to make sure you are real. they can’t meet with you, nor let you see the place. so, they suggest you take a look at the place from the outside, view the pictures they emailed of the inside, negotiate a lease, then wire the deposit before they send the keys to someone who they want to make sure is legit.

more than likely, someone who gets baited, like a sucker who is looking to relocate to a place from a different city or someone who just started college, will wire the money and never hear from them again.

another story is that a person posed to be the landlord, had a key, had a lease and signed it, took a check, cashed it and disappeared. the guy moved in but two months later, the real tenant showed up. then the real landlord showed up! the guy lost his money AND was put on the street! jeez!

and it gets even better. now, they have legit looking websites for housing and apartments complete with corporate design and “equal opportunity housing” symbols. they ask you to fax your credit report over before they even consider you. most people might do this because they would expect their credit report to eventually be checked anyways. next thing you know, your credit is fucked and you won’t know until you get another credit check report whenever that may be.

so be careful not give up too much information to someone who you meet online, especially if they start getting all sweet with you. even if an apartment for rent is looking real legit, don’t ever provide your credit information to anyone without ever meeting them and looking at the place. in the current economy, we don’t need to have any shadiness in the housing market, but expect more criminal activity and fraudulent claims as unemployment rises and people become more desperate.

***

the whole reason why i went on the 419 rant is because i was, again, disappointed to find out that a place i found that was too good to be true was actually that. i need to move out soon and have been torn between keeping this rent controlled spot in potrero hill but no love, or a small or shared shack and have satanic orgies every saturday before dawn.

it’s really hard to keep a smile on when your roommate is your ex and getting laid for both of you becomes a real hassle. can’t bring anyone home because that would be weird, but can’t stay away either because it becomes an issue. the only thing to do, really, is for someone to give and get out but rent control is so sweet in san francisco. so you end up becoming codependent anyways but without the sex. how frustrating.

i hate break ups.

***

spanish fly

isn’t it amazing how the power of smell can be so intoxicating that you can lose your sense of discretion by a single whiff of perfume and sweat? seduction had taken another level of interest for me. i didn’t realize that love potions do exist (no, not tranquilizers).

“you found my secret.”

***

i was challenged the other night by an attractive woman. she said it’s easier for girls to get laid than guys. so i dared her to seduce me.

if you just broke up with someone or thinking about it but haven’t made up your mind, come to The Beauty Bar on Wednesday night and take the challenge yourself. my friends and i will be hosting the new Wednesday nights there and will do our darnest to keep everything that happens a secret. all discreet encounters will not be photographed, videotaped, or remembered in any way. promise.


Secret Service: the soundtrack to your stylish, dangerous, mysterious, and sexy lifestyle.
Wednesdays – The Beauty Bar
10pm-2am

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JUST FRIENDS

January 5, 2008

Perishers “Step Out Of The Shade” (Sweden)

Was it love, Or just something that reminded me of?
Something that felt a lot like, but wasnt, love
Just friends, friends then until the end
You know I still pretend, just friends.

Take a step and come out of the shade
I can tell you’re no longer afraid
I’m helpless without your warming smile
Take a step and come out in the sun
I can tell its already begun
I’m helpless without your warming smile

Was it love, I think it was but I’m far from sure
I’d never felt that way before, was it love?
Just friends, am I a fool to be asking for
a fool to wish that we could be more than friends

Take a step and come out of the shade
I can tell you’re no longer afraid
I’m helpless without your warming smile
Take a step and come out in the sun
I can tell its already begun
I’m helpless without you,
helpless without you
helpless without your warming
smile

***

i miss you.

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I CAN’T GET THIS PORNFILM OUT OF MY HEAD

November 5, 2007


Stina Nordenstam “Get On With Your Life”
(Sweden)

They put a needle once in my spine
It took them so long to find it
I can’t get this pornfilm out of my head
Let’s get on with it

It is banging inside
It is singing aloud
Get on with your life

All over the world they get out of bed
Love dies every second
I can’t get this creature out of my way
Killing it is not an option

It is biting your nails
So as not to scratch
Get on with your life

It is counting aloud
‘Til the battery dies
Get on with your life

And I try to get up and I try to move but
This thing won’t let me
It’s heavy as a man’s body on you
And it’s this close to get me

It is banging inside
It is singing aloud
Get on with your life

‘Til the battery die
‘Til the battery dies:
Get on with your life



***

moving out soon. an impending doom.
several years. too many tears.
a dusty room.

***

she loves me, she loves me not
she loves me, she loves me not
she loves me, she loves me not

i love me, i love me not

***

i recently had a nice and tantilizing opportunity to take over a spot a friend is leaving behind. the other roommates are friends that i’ve known, both very gorgeous, and both trustworthy. when i saw the room, i noticed there wasn’t a door. it was the one complication that would make me decide whether to stay there or not. all i thought about was…well…private kinky sex with cameras. a door is a must…and soundproof insulation. hmm, too complicated already.

appointments at oakland tomorrow and north berkeley sunday. 2 bedroom apt or 1 bedroom duplex.

***

(kinky sex with cameras) on pause.
vs.
kinky sex (with cameras on pause).

***

it was our anniversary. we didn’t know whether to see each other or not. i called her to see if she’d like to hang out and she did. for old time’s sake, we decided to drive out to napa back to a spot we use to go to when we were younger. lots of lovemaking memories there!

we set out around noon and figured we’d have a whole afternoon tasting wine and cheeses at v. sattuis winery where they have this one gamay rouge wine sweet enough for saying ‘yum’ but not too much for saying ‘ech.’ but we must’ve been yapping too much since we didn’t even realize we had driven 2 hours past sacramento! lol.

luckily we had run out of gas or we woulda kept driving the wrong direction. the gas attendant was like, ‘oh, it’s an hour and a half south…watch out for illegal drunk driving!’ huh? i asked if there was such thing as ‘legal drunk driving.’ she meant ‘illegal IMMIGRANT drunk driving.’ thanks sacramento hillbilly.

we got to v. sattui’s an hour before they close. it was perfect! good parking, no line for wine, and good deals on crab and portabello mushrooms plus a bangin’ tiramisu dessert mocha thing!

it was a good talk we had on a park bench between orchards with a sunset scene behind vineyards that would captivate anyone with any sense of natural beauty. we chuckled. we teased. we confessed. we apologized. we giggled some more. the wine was good for sure.

the drive back to sf only took an hour. our conversation centered around past lovers and clearing up any suspicions of possible affairs early in our relationship. it was as if we might as well say everything without holding back since we’re moving on…or, that we were meeting again.

she told me she wishes we met much later in life. but, i told her that i don’t regret anything. not one thing.

the night ended like a movie with a happy ending with the final shot suggesting a sequel. still the movie ends for the next one to begin.

***

ever seen a porn flick with a star that looks strikingly like your ex?

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AND FOR YOU I KEEP MY LEGS APART

November 2, 2007

Lykke Li “A Little Bit” (Sweden)

Hands down, Im too proud for love
But with eyes shut, its you Im thinking of
But how we move from A to B, can’t be up to me
Cause I dont know
Eye to eye, thigh to thigh
I let go…

I think Im a little bit, little bit, a little bit in love with you
only if youre a little bit, little bit, little bit in love with me.

And for you I keep my legs apart,
and forget about my tainted heart,
and I will never ever be the first to say it, but still I,
yes you know I..I..I..
I would do it, push the button,
pull the trigger, jump of a cliff,
you know baby I love you, love you,
a little bit

I think Im a little bit, little bit, a little bit in love with you ,
only if youre a little bit, little bit, little bit in love with me.

Come here stay with me, struck me by the hair,
I would do anything, anything to have you as my man

Little bit.

***

thank you, _____, for talking with me. i feel much better about things now. still, as turbulent as it sounded, i know that things will turn out fine. my anti-social behavior should cease soon. i look forward to making things right. with love…

plus, all the homies are jealous and think i’m the don thanks to you.

***

i won’t be around much anymore. but just cuz you don’t see me, doesn’t mean that i’m gone. i’ll be underground, shaking things up. see you in sweden.

xoxo

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I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG

October 26, 2007

The Hives “Tick Tick Boom” (Sweden)

Yeah (3x)
I was right all along
Yeah (3x)
You come tagging along
Exhibit A
On a tray
What you say
Ends up thrown in your face
Exhibit B
What you see
Well that’s me
I’ll put you back in your place
Yeah I’ve done it before
And I can do it some more
So what you waiting for?
Yeah
I was right all along
Chorus
You know I’ve done it before
And I can do it some more
I’ve got my eye on the score
I’m gonna cut through the floor
It’s too late
It’s too soon
Or is it
Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick … Boom!!
Yeah (3x)
I was right you were wrong
Yeah (3x)
Going, going you’re gone!
I saw you yesterday, waiting too much
Till it slipped through your hands
And then you stagger to your feet and out the door
‘Coz there’s no second chance!
Chorus
Now you come crying to me
But it’s too late!
The man you’re proud to be
But it’s too late!
Get your head out of the sand
But it’s too late!!
It’s too late,
Too late ! (3x)
Yeah!
But it’s too late! (2x)
Get your head out of the sand,
But it’s too late!
Chorus
It’s too late
It’s too soon
It’s too late
It’s too soon
It’s too late
It’s too soon
Or is it …
Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick….
Boom!!!

***

‘yappari’ (japanese expression to mean ‘…as i thought.’

***

it’s weird how my instincts still serve me well. i can still feel what people are thinking and can quietly act, or react, accordingly to suit a favorable outcome. i must be psychotic.

***

digitalism, mstrkrft, nypc,…so many good shows this weekend. i’ve been wanting to just stomp and get sweaty…lose myself…noone to lose…noone to host…just myself. well…unless you’re willing to put on some kicks and battle me.

***

i want to go to scandinavia. stockholm, helsinki, oslo, amsterdam, reijavik, and copenhagen. next summer. start saving.

***

(i wonder how i’d feel if one day ku sends me a letter with the picture above telling me, ‘dad! i’m in a band!’ i’d probably send him an mp3 of SLAYER right away).

or, worse, this band:

***

i’m taking an amnesty break from club life. find me.

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BUT YOU SEEM SO FAR AWAY

October 1, 2007

Paris “60 Minutes” (Sweden)

Disconnected line
My frustration is growing
each minute I..m spending on my own
Disconnected time
My heart has changed it..s rythm
it..s beating very wrong

Oh! I..m out of time
I..ve been staring at the phone now
for 60 minutes.

Disconnected line
Now I know that my feelings
about this can..t be wrong
Disconnected love
Maybe it..s just bad
that I..m feeling all alone

Oh! I..m out of time
I..ve been staring at the phone now
for 60 minutes.

Now I know that it..s better this way
You have to listen to what I say
But you seem so far away

Oh! I..m out of time
I..ve been staring at the phone now
for 60 minutes.

***

friday with mom. loveparade and drum and bass yesterday. went and enjoyed ladytron show last night. *secret afterparty* hideout. slept in. saw sis and bro-in-law. having brunch with fam in a minute. about to head to east bay for long time friend’s bday bbq. gonna go get some shoes.

then…

head back for tapas with college friends. have birthday shot with brian at melekshah’s. then hop to PINK for more free drinks and dance like an idiot and get sick and say it was a great bday weekend ever. please join at any point.


***

“got your msg. thank you! i miss you too!”

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DON’T LET THE DARKNESS EAT YOU UP

August 14, 2007

José González – Down The Line

José González “Down The Line” (Sweden)

i’ve seen problems down the line
i know that they’re mine


doing the same mistake twice
making the same mistake twice

come on over
be so kind
it’s all about compromise

i’ve seen problems down the line
i know that they’re mine
i’ve seen darkness down the line
i know that they’re mine


doing the same mistake twice
making the same mistake twice

come on over
be so kind
it’s all about compromise

i’ve seen problems down the line
i know that they’re mine

don’t let the darkness eat you up

***

***

i’ve taken myself off the radar. for the first time, i don’t want to share it with anyone. many people say i wear my heart on my sleeve, so i’ve decided to tuck and hide it up where only real friends can see. only they will know what’s fact and what’s fiction with all this stupid blogging.

***

i’ve been such a pig. i realized how scared i really am to live the rest of my life lonely. but i’m not a liar…yet, i lie to cover up how unfaithful i really am. i saw a doctor about my hypersexuality and he guessed that it had to do with my sense of denial…that i was reacting to a loneliness i developed from being in a relationship that already unraveled years ago which i insisted might be salvagable. all the while still believing that you and i will eventually be together.

the breaking point was when you told me you were finally getting married. i completely sank. i wept uncontrollably right after i hung up…and once again in traffic yesterday. luckily i don’t have road rage anymore. but, thank you for calling me. i really am glad for you and proud of you and wish you and your lucky fiance all the best. i still love you and will endear you all my life. yea, it’s probably better not to invite me to the wedding. i’d totally ruin it. like, show up witha white horse and take you away and shit like that. or maybe a donkey. ever seen two asses on top of each other? i have.

ok, jokes aside…congratulations. it’s my turn to wait.

***

the past two days have been solemn. __ has been staying with his grandma in order for ______ and i to spend time and talk things out. it’s been weird since they’ve been back. between the three of us, we work. between the two of us, we’ve become even more distant. so, i popped the question, “is it time to officialize our divorce?”

we had a great dinner at ________. we’ve always wanted to eat there together but she was always too frugal to spend all that money. we both were anticipating talking heavy so we focused most of our conversation about her business and i talked her ears off about all my new ventures since they left for _____. it was a good and light conversation and i behaved my best as a kind gentleman and chivalrous date.

we walked over to the park and sat on the bench facing the church. we admitted to each other our lack of romance and, without raising our voice, declared our blame. it’s all been said before but, this time, i said i wanted a divorce. she agreed. we both knew that we’ve been trying to hold on to something that doesn’t exist anymore. we both felt real sad for __ who we both want to protect…and keep. rest assured, i affirmed ‘no contest.’

the only times we become tender to each other are when separation anxiety takes over. i pointed that out and reminded her that between the times we break up, we fight like pit bulls trained to kill. but, when we scare each other with breaking up, we become loving like pit bulls are naturally.

but, the lie has to stop. the three of us will never stop as a family, but the two of us just doesn’t work. i’m not the guy she met 13 years ago, nor will i become the man she needs anytime near in the future. i just can’t keep lying to her. it’s making me into a bigger asshole and she just becomes depressed. that’s no way to protect our son. in fact, it’s hurting him more for us to stay together, i feel. i might also be wrong.

***

on the way home from work yesterday, while stuck in traffic, i had a flashback of when i proposed to her. it was at golden gate park’s strybing arboretum. i remembered how i had to make a decision to marry her prematurely before i graduate from school so that we can stay together eventhough i knew it was my life plan to marry after i got my first degree. do i regret it? no, i don’t.

being married in college did somehow keep me straight and forward-bound, focused on academic achievement and award-winning work. i did, however, only cheat on her 4 times then. i attributed my unfaithful behaviour to my distorted sense of marriage…since i was born out of wedlock and my dad having a great reputation as an outstanding politician/civil serviceman and international womanizer. but, it confused me because i wanted to fix that about me. so, i stopped doing that, especially when we found out we were pregnant. then, you came back.

i’ve been real good since. i even convinced myself that i can be faithful and control my urges. not seeing you for a while worked. but, this last summer became the ‘summer of lust’ for me and it became apparent that being locked into a relationship, this one, is causing me to hurt her more and myself in the long run. but, i’m so afraid that getting a divorce would be the mistake i’ll regret. yet, i see darkness down the line and i can’t explain why.

***

i hope she doesn’t do anything to hurt herself. i’m not going to abandon her. in fact, i plan to keep taking care of both of them no differently. i simply need another place to stay so that i can be who i am and not hate anyone for trying to change or control me. that has been my biggest problem.

since sunday, we’ve been real nice to each other again. i hope we both find happyness.

***

i’m done for now.

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WITH THE CONFIDENCE OF A CLOWN

July 15, 2007

Peter Von Poehl The Story Of The Impossible (Sweden)

Whatever happened to the great escape
The finest enemy.
Crafted with pride by monsters on the train.
The world is great to suckers

We have the story of the impossible
A tale passed on so frail
One of make-belief
Maybe impossible to achieve
And really close

Who sew the lion’s hungry in the cage
With the confidence of a clown
The little man who rises on the stage
As he falls without a safety net

We have the story of the impossible
A tale passed on so frail.
One of make-belief
Maybe impossible to achieve
And really close

Whatever happened to the great escape
And all the plans we make
Crafted with pride by Monsters on the train.
[The Story Of The Impossible Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com%5D
The world is great to suckers.

We have the story of the impossible
A tale passed on so frail.
One of make-belief
Maybe impossible to achieve
But oh so close

***

..

***

you wouldn’t believe it but i use to do stand-up sketch comedy back in college! seriously, i use to do theater. i’m a thespian lesbian i guess you could say.

last night, i happened by a guy who asked me for a light and after staring at each other we realized we were both in a comedy production a good 12 years ago. he was the director, i was the token (person of color) guy! haha! he swears he didn’t pick me to be that but we did have to argue it out a bit.

yea it wasn’t my first stint on stage but it was my first crack at stage comedy. it wasn’t as funny backstage, if you could imagine. i remember arguing a great deal with the director (and some cast) about stereotypes and how to make it real funny! after all, i could play a mexican, japanese, chinese, indian, eskimo, or filipinese in different scenes…but i would always be a cook! that’s funny! =D

he didn’t think so. they wanted me to play a nerd and fashion it like the typical asian nerd with glasses and pencils in the front pocket…greasy hair to the side kinda like proto-emo. i didn’t want to do that. it was only funny to nerds in denial.

i convinced him to let me make up the character. i chose a stoner metalhead on lsd doing a monologue…rather…a soliloquy…that was rather funny gauging the laughter of the crowd but i really don’t remember the routine. it was in the diego rivera theater on the phelan campus of city college where a 2 million dollar mural of diego rivera is displayed two stories high in the lobby. nice.

thinking back, it was real fun. college was fun. that comedy troupe was an eye opener for sure. there was a girl there named _____ and i made her blush one time. either that or i made her sick but she got real red after i noticed how nice her pair of ____ were.

anyways, he’s a sales manager now for synergy properties. he says i can shoot at any location if i want. nice.

***

“wow, you’re smart too?” (translation: mind-blowing sex)

“i’m not looking for a relationship right now.” (translation: sex not dishes)

“so many one dimensional people…” (translation: me too. sex)

“let’s be friends” (translation: let’s start there)

***

xoxo

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I FOUND IT HARD BUT I TRIED TO TELL YOU LAST NIGHT

February 16, 2007

War On Sound Moonbabies (Sweden)

Oh Sunday rest / I’m a mess / put me in your arms
I called your home / heard the tone / just wanna be a part of
It could be wrong / but i tried / to tell you last night
I found it hard / to explain / I sleep and I can’t talk

Don’t say a word
my head ain’t feeling right
stay where you belong inside
Hey! It will be alright / I just found myself in ways I couldn’t help
it will be alright / just find a state where everything’s passing by
I just found myself in ways I couldn’t help
Sunday rest / still a mess / put me in your arms
See when she’s down / girlie charm / Just wanna have a part of
I found it hard / but i tried / to tell you last night
The planet’s grown / turned to stone / see you on the safe side?
Don’t say a word
my head ain’t feeling right
stay where you belong inside
Hey! It will be alright / I just found myself in ways I couldn’t help
it will be alright / just find a state where everything’s passing by
I just found myself in ways I couldn’t help

***

***

@$%@$#

“i don’t know why you are so fucking mean to me!”

“why don’t you listen for a change?!”

“i don’t want to hear your shit!”

“then why are we even together?!!”

“you tell me!”

“why are we even living together?!!”

“i don’t know why. we don’t match anymore…”

“…no we don’t.”

“…”

“…”

“fine…i’ll move out.”

“fine.”

“fine…”

“…”

“…”

“…he stays with me.”

“…that’s something we have to discuss.”

“no discussion. he stays with me.”

“…”

***

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TIME TO MOVE ON

October 17, 2006

Life Is On TV Ebb (Sweden)

***

time to grow up.

***

“i’m going through a major transition. i realized i’m still so immature for a man my age. i went from ‘toys ‘r’ us’ to ‘babies ‘r’ us’ without ever experience what’s in between. what is in between?? =P “

“Hot Topic, the Gap, Banana Republic… “

***

“yeah. its funny that you described exactly how i was feeling. “

***

“why do you put your life on public display??!! you wear your heart on your sleeve and don’t for one minute think that everyone is looking at you thinking how awful! have you no shame?!”

“…it’s all fiction. please don’t read into it too deep. it’s just entertainment.”

“you’re lying!”

***

大好き。。。ほんとおに。でも、それはあるよ。ごめんあさい。

***

LAYAS!!!!!!!!!

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